be a man

why do guys have to msg back asking why i didn't reply to their msgs? damn online dating services where guys can see if their sent msgs have been read+deleted. and using the words "awww you don't wanna talk to me" is NOT a desirable trait. AND i'm going off of the few images you've posted on your profile and i am so NOT attracted. i don't care if that's shallow. online dating IS shallow. all about judgement based on first looks and what's written. if you can't handle it, get out of the game, pal.

ju-pah

chinese for porkchop. i can hear my mum talking about dinner w/ my sister and they're talking about ju-pah and how to cook it. it, ju-pah, reminds me of you... hah awesomesauce.

it's been awhile

since i last posted. sorry, been busy with festivities at work and home. now i'm in california enjoying semi-warm weather. just got back from last vegas yesterday. it's quite... a playground, but not like disneyland. i'm quite casino out and i didn't even gamble!
anyway, just wanted to say i'm alive, b/c i realized the last post i wrote i said i was drunk and on skytrain... hah i'm such a dumbass, i had a taxi voucher that night, but for whatever reason, gettingon the skytrain seemed to make sense at the time... sigh.

Drunk

I'm drunk dinno how I got on skytrain. I guess i walked

50 mins of life gone

had the most random conversation with the most uniquely opposite person from me. it was some guy from pof, i thought he was hot from his posted images and he msged me saying he likes my spunk and we had randomly texted each other stupid stuff, so tonight he finally calls me. and after more conversations w/ this guy, who btw, wants to own an organic blueberry farm w/ horses as his end goal in life, believes in the higher being of spirituality. that he left the city to find more spirituality in himself and others. believes with every bad there is a good. believes are completely connected w/ the earth. is part of some start up bank that was created out of gold. just... he is a person that i cannot understand and i am someone he THINKS he understands as i'm a total city girl, and he left the city b/c he felt 'something weird was going on, something's changing and i just had to get out' and i don't mean something weird as in we got a new bylaw, but something weird like as in 'the air, the water' ... so... sorry man, i'm not dissing your beliefs, but they are so serious and extreme that i simply cannot identify or provide any empathy with your cause. that may make me sound superficial and shallow b/c i APPEAR to not care about anything that is real, but i think i'm just not deep enough for you.

so i ended the call and was like okay well i don't think we have anything else to talk about b/c we don't agree on anything... so i just said good bye haha and i did make sure he said bye as well before hanging up.
THEN i got a text from him saying it didn't have to end like that. urgh it had to b/c his voice was also creeping me out... he has HOT photos posted on his profile and yet his higher pitched voice reminds me of some 40 yr old perv who made up a random profile to meet girls.... couldn't get that image out of my head and probably ruined me to have an open mind on anything. like the hobbit thing, once i thought hobbit, couldn't fixate on anything else. hobbit.

note to self

stop fb stalking on the new gf of "HIM" . and no not yukon guy, and no yukon guy still hasn't msged me back EVEN THOUGH i gave him a 'hey i'm around' indicator by commenting on a recent uploaded photo.... yes my communication skills have been resorted to fb...fml. i need a real relationship and must stop fantasizing and comparing to ppl don't that matter....

"we demand authenticity!" quote from alexxi.

waste of time

i just spent the last 45 mins creating a lavalife profile. and then i just deleted it. why? i think i've been spoiled by the likes of plenty of fish where it's so horribly designed, that it actually works decently. less clutter, except for ads. OR maybe b/c taste in user experience has gone so down far into the drain i can't recognize that comic sans is a horrible font and should die. no, that's a lie, i still believe that. but anyway, i've realized that lavalife just didn't give me the 'freedom' to type whatever i was 'feeling' about the type of person i am. sure sure i had a description page, but it gave pre-determined drop down options of 'first dates' 'interesrts' 'hobbies' etc. so really, b/c there were so many pre-determined 'normal' hobbies, my profile was kind of lacking. i mean come on, i don't participate in hockey and i don't really watch it, but i'm willing to do both if a guy wanted to play or watch! hey now, just keeping my options open, not trying to change myself. i'm flexible. i like trying new things. maybe i should advertise this blog and see what fishies i get.
ow, my knuckles on my hands actually hurt. i think it's a sign that i should go read a romance novel and try go to go to sleep, seeing as how i was bitching about how little sleep i've been getting...for the past year. yes i know no excuse. boohoo. k... night

Breakup

I think I'm watching a couple break up on a metro station, on the platform. Signs? Guy has red, sad eyes, could be tears, and girl's holding both his hands and speaking softly. Why a metro platform? Or maybe they're praying the train gets there faster

hobbit productivity

I had a very productive day at work yesterday and by productive I mean I didn't really do any work, but I did muster up the courage to tell the hobbit that I didn't want to see him anymore. Thanks to Justin, that is, as he was greatly entertained by my online dating antics.
Hobbit is "5'8" and ok looking. Facial hair and all... But I think the 5'8 was a lie and really he's 5'6 or maybe b/c I was so not attracted to him that I didn't feel the 5'8 was a justified height. Ergo, I kept thinking hobbit every time I looked at him... Can you imagine sex w/ a hobbit?! Ya...so needless to say that ended quick...

want some. now.

won't lie. miss the yukon man sexy times. no, he's not from the yukon, but he's moving there. miss feeling like a sexy woman with sexy man.

whip out the haterade

It's funny how emotions work. I woke up to a can of haterade this morning. Like a can so big it'd break friendships. And now, now I'm back to regular and emotions have tapered off. It's funny how talking to friends thru out the day can make it all better. And not just those superficial facebook only friends, but ppl who care about you.
I wonder what I'll wake up to tmr. Or who will piss me off first... I'm really not an angry bitter girl, I just demand authenticity from people. No more bullshit efforts. Hah we'll see how long this strong resolve lasts...

You scary

Holy shit, the couple sitting a seat over from me, the guy of the couple scared me w/ his youthful babyface, shaved head and braces... Scared in a you scared me w/ a I'm so not attracted to you way. I know shallow, but it seriously gave me a start... And I'm also in the my post 2nd date mood and it didn't go well. I mean it was pleasant, but I felt no sexual chemistry on my end which kind if just killed it for me. Shit. Now I have to avoid or tell the guy. The worst part? I wish I was at home instead of out w/ him tonight. Oh snap.

1901

Phoenix - 1901 - A Take Away Show from La Blogotheque on Vimeo.

by phoenix. they've been around for awhile, but this is the first time i've heard of them. i'm catching up to those hipsters!!

Can't sleep

Chest feels like someone's sitting on my sternum. I blame indigestion or the rod has finally exploded and cystic fluid is coursing thru and causing heartache. But seeing as how my breathing is fine, ergo my lungs are clear, I blame indigestion. And getting old. :(

are you insane?

"more women choose do-it-yourself births"

that's why women are crazy

the awesome hilarity of me

i am a klutz. and i have 3 aches to prove it.

1. SMACKED my head against a wooden partition, while trying to get out of a japanese tatami room. stood up, bent down to walk out, and SMACK. like the whole room vibrated and everybody went OOOOO even the ppl outside were like OOOO snap. yes. it hurt. and still does

2. was in a drunken slumberous dream, when the alarm to my house went off in the middle of the night. whilst heart was beating frantically in my chest, yet still in my drunken slumber, i ran out of my room thinking to turn off the alarm in my parents room, but forgot, b/c i'm kind of sleep-walking, that my mum was in there, who came out of the room, who then scared the bejeesus out of me which made me slip on the carpet, where my feet, literally flew up from under me, and i landed smack on my right bum. and yes. that still hurts.

3. whilst helping my dad clean his brand new shoes, i was wiping some dirt off the front and in my vigor, my hand holding the shoe, snapped back and hit me on my cheek. hard. no that one doesn't hurt, at least not physically, but the humilation still stings.

i'd really like my right ass cheek to not hurt anymore.

and this all happened within a good 24 hrs of each other.

sadface.

a bit of a slow night...

and if you can't tell, the past series of posts have been posted quite closely together. b/c i'm sitting at home on a friday night on my computer. blogging. and reading other ppl's blogs. venting... b/c this is at least a reliable place to vent whereas the human reliability i.e. friends, just aren't there enough. maybe it's my fault for not always reaching out, but again, it's a 2 way street...

was kind of offended

by the mexican at lunch. like seriously, you're ALL drooling and making guy comments about the waitress with her breasts spilling out (they were quite nice real, breasts. my jaw dropped as well), and yet when i make add a douchey comment that included with me looking down my own shirt pretending i had similar cleavage, he goes "oh please, helen" as if he's all ashamed/embarassed etc. listen, you little mexican perv, if you can't handle the heat, then don't sit there and drool over it! hyprocrite!

camera whores

some ppl are just camera whores. i won't lie, i too can be one as well. but i admit it and i know it's b/c i'm playing into my superficial realm, but also... i like to be reminded that i was at one point photogenic in life. at least i hope i am. you can probably add disillusional to the mix of the other things that are possibly kookoo with me.

trying to be your friend

so at least make the energy to provide more details of what you've been up to rather than one word answers.

it's exhausting holding up one end of a friendship. i'd like to take a break and be pursued for my friendship and/or romantic relationship, please.

i think i keep pushing and chasing b/c i care too damn much. or maybe b/c i'm constantly seeking the approval of others to validate myself and if i can continually maintain friendships that may seem one sided, then at least i won't feel so alone or so much of a loser... i think that's more likely.
fixing this syndrome is a lot harder than one thinks. it means having the confidence of going about, doing my own things without feeling uncomfortable being solo.

a reminder

to only be so lucky to have someone write this in memory of me.
reblogged from shirls

Useless popo

Why the F are there police at the skytrain station. It's the one that dt office ppl get off at. You're just standing there, hands at your belt like you're some big shit. How about you go take your useless ass and do something useful like cleaning up the east dt side and solving some homocides. Fuckers.

Ya bitter me is back for a bit...

little bitch

"description totally was sucking my ball eye out. paragraphs anybody?"
a message from some dude from online dating.

my reply:
"if you're going to be a little bitch, at least write your messages properly, b/c what's your 'ball eye out'? i think you meant 'eye ball out.'"

don't fuck with me right now. b/c i'm teary, tired, and will bring out all guns if you mess with me.

Bollocks

I ended it. It's over. The switch in my brain said you can't continue going this way. To keep giving everything and still not getting anywhere closer, even though realistically, he was doing what's real. Arm's length. B/c in 3 months he's gone. So really what is this business? Except to just be casual and this is case #2 where I've deluded myself into thinking I can change the outcome even for a temporary 2 months. But I can't. And so I ended it. And so now I'm crying and bawling. B/c I care too fuckin' much. I'll be fine in 48 hrs and will bounce back w/ vigor.

Cute

"to say hi or not to say hi that is the question.. soo finally im saying hello after checking out your profile like twice.. and chickening out because i wouldnt know what to say.. its like when your out with your friends and you see this cute girl and then you like stare at her and then she smiles at you and you like almost fall over a chair ya that smooth.. so hi n hope to talk to you.. soo cute girl with the sweet smile...
jw.."

Cute msg right? Albeit some grammatical errors, but who am I to judge?

A msg from a cute looking white guy (judging from one one photo) from the online dating site.

No, I'm not so over Guy moving to Yukon, but I do log in every once in awhile to keep my profile around. Plus, I don't want to have to redo my profile when it's time to look again for real.

Sigh, I wonder what Guy's gonna do w/ me, if he'll end it now or later.

I did get some good advice that now is the time for me to be selfish, to focus on my enjoyment, and not to fall any deeper... I think I can manage points 1 and 2, but I already know 3 will be hard and I will be sad. Just a matter of when.

Mix feelings

Boy leaves for the yukon april 1st. Excited for him for his opportunity. Sad and mopey for me b/c this isn't gonna last nor stay permanent. Standing in the stairwall with sad pushing thru my eyes. I will get over this, but for the next few hrs this is gonna hurt. I'm so glad I have the bottle of wine left in the fridge.

Spanx

Have you ever heard of spanx? Google it. I'm wearing a pair of spanx hoisery. I think it's working a little too well b/c my ass feels like it's been vacuum sucked. Not so comfy.

roadblock

"mum, which roadblock would you want to do? mud volleyball or sling shot?" - me

"mmmm, mud volleyball! b/c my arm's not very strong for the sling shot" - mum

right... okay and b/c you're SO much stronger with your great heaping height of 5'0 for mud volleyball, where you'd sink into the bog waist high... right okay. we'd so lose. we like to think what roadblock we'd do if we were partners on the amazing race. apparently, she WOULD slide down a 4 story slide in dubai. prove it!

Over slept

Is that one word or two? Overslept. ... Mhh one word as per my blackberry spell check.

You know what happens when you drink a glass of wine before you go to sleep? You oversleep by an hour over your alarm and wake up in a semi-panic mode.
The glass of wine was intended to help me go to sleep. It certainly did that!
Unlike the night of saturday where I woke up every hour to pee or b/c my lover's bed was too hot (yes, he's now called lover b/c I don't think he is called my bf yet. At least I don't think he's given me that right yet, and saying "guy I'm seeing" seems too contrite and loing to say), last night I slept a straight 8 hrs. Guess I can't complain.

Lush

I finished a bottle of wine to myself last night. Though to my defense, I did have water and cheese and crackers as well...
How does that make it better? Well it sure didn't give me a pounding headache this morning. Just a tiny one. But I blame it on the rushing around trying to get to work this morning. B/c I was late. B/c I slept thru my alarm. B/c I drank a bottle of wine last night. Oh god I'm a lush.

Compensating

Anybdoy who has the words "hot" in their online dating name i.e. "Asianhotguy" is probably compensating for the fact that you're not hot. Have a small package. Have some creativity and at least call yourself self-centeredsmallweiner. I'd at least respect you for that.

Freaky

You know what's freaky? When someone you know msgs you on a pseudo anonymous online dating site!!! Especially someone you didn't want to really keep in contact!

Gone just like that

My director quit. No notice. No forewarning. Even the ppl closest to him had no idea. Everybody's flabbergasted. My body couldn't sustain the shock of the news, so big fat tears leaked out of my eyes.

He had said in the past that if he felt the company couldn't grow anymore or have no future he'd leave.

Fml.

I hope that isn't the reason why he's disappeared so suddenly.

Pointy fat ass

I just saw the largest ass. Kudos for the girl as it wasn't saggy. It was well up there, but man was it ever shaped like a giant lumpy grapefruit. I think one side was pointy, like some anomaly.

fab

via the moment.blogs.nytimes.com

retro. slick. pro.

jalou

not super keen on the storyline, but love how the models act and still 'model.'
phone looks useless.

pants on backwards

point blank. though in my defense, it's those lululemon stretchy pants so really, at worse, i could've worn it backwards AND inside out... i'm a gem.

dear death

please take my grandma into your cold clutches, but show her the warmth and happiness of days gone. show her what it means to be young and at peace. show her that her family will always love her.

Boob job

There's a lady with her cell phone b/w her boobs. She doesn't look slutty, young or attractive enough to be a stripper. Just classless.

F'ing hipsters

Dear hipsters standing beside me, pls stop groping each other as it disgusts me purely.

sad

you know what's sad? knowing something good is probably not going to be here in 6 months. so... should i try to enjoy what i have now, but at the same time try not to attach myself too much, which is virtually impossible. or just back away now and miss out something good, right now?
i have a feeling i'll go with the former.
sigh.
sadface.
"heart" is sad.

Haterade

I'm just full of haterade right now. Would like to open up the can and blast someone, but my fear of losing my job, friends, and possible romantic interest is stopping me. I'll just sit here and stew. If I was a snoopy cartoon I'd probably have stormy clouds with lightening over my head.

Obsess much?

So I've been told by my guy friends I can't push, obsess, or over analyze. Trying not to bring the crazy out, but all I want to do is just ask so are you or are you not considered my bf?
Seeing as it's been less than a month, I'll say not.
But less than a month is like dog years for me! Gahhh I need to learn patience and what they say as "going with the flow."
Best wishes to me...

Gas Gas Gas

I feel like one giant gas bubble. Would be ever so grateful for a fart right now. Or a burb. I'm not picky.

it hurts. Sadface.

Happy thanksgiving

Many things to be thankful for:
-I don't have cancer or need to be operated on
-My dad's health seems to be sustaining well
-the friends who will be there for me during tough times
-having a job and great boss
-went to europe twice in less than 12 months
-tennis tennis tennis

So, happy thanksgiving everybody.

Comfort

Going to see a man tonight. Want to look impressive yet comfortable at the same time. I think the result is just comfortable. Impressive got left by the wayside on clothing reject pile. Shit. Now I have to clean up my room tomorrow.

Defensive

Maybe you should take the stick out of your ass and appreciate the friends who actually don't bail on you and that you can rely on, except you're too busy seeking for something better you can't see what's in front of you. You insensitive shit.

paris, je t'aime

okay, so it's not a picture i took, but this time last year i was in paris and oh how the autumn colors create a visceral feast for my eyes. paris, je t'aime. i wanna go back.

photo via chic report

i'm an internalizing fool

so i guess i tend to internalize a lot of things, but i think that's also a symptom of being a girl. i tend to just bottle stuff up or pretend i'm tough and brush stuff off, but really i'm a big fluffy softie, that once in awhile whatever i had bottled up, pretending it doesn't bother me, will just explode from my eyes in the form of tears, which may then appear as though i'm crying for no reason.

case in point, tonight, at tennis. my serve basically disappeared during the summer, my regular coaches were not there and i just lost it, muscle memory gone, now left with a crapola of what the hell am i doing serve. so tonight, after hearing one too many no, what are you doing, you know how to serve comments, my mentality just shut down and beat me up. then i cried. then i had to get one of those you don't suck talkings from the coach, and then was embarassed b/c crying in public for no apparant reason is just horrible. tragic. swollow me in a ground mortified.

what a night.

Crazy me

Did I tell you I met the guy from the online dating site? Anyway, long story short, finally met up w/ guy, let's call him facial hair, for a drink late one night and I think we had hit it off. He seemed pleasanty surprised that I'm no pyscho, as was I. He even texted to say he really wants to meet up w/ me again as an hour was not enough.



Anyway, after much texting back and forth, b/c that's the new way of communicating these days, long gone are the days of voice, I find out he had a date last night. He had bought a charity date for autism (ok, so he's a do-gooder), and me being the dumbass that I am, I had set myself up for disappointment by asking if she's even hot as he said oh I'm sure it'll be awkward etc, but that ya she's hot.



He had said he would call me last night after this date. He did not. I bet you it's b/c he fucked her.



I've turned into the crazy from 'he's just not that into you' except I think he really is into me, I just wish things would move more quickly b/c at this rate, I won't be able to tell if he's a good kisser until November.

friday night

i had a really, really ... good... friday night.

All the same

So a guy msged me on the online dating site and he attached his pics, except half of them consist of 2 other asian guys. Is it so bad that I can't tell which one is him even when there's a pic of just him posted??

That's bad right?

junk in the trunk

how do i know i've added more junk? b/c my previous sizing at H&M does not fit me anymore. and things that use to look good, now don't really. instead of lambchop, i think i am a porkchop now.

self deprecating at it's best right now...

eat itself

i'm really hungry right now. well my belly is grumbling. i didn't have any dinner b/c i had such a full dimsum lunch and gelato at 4 that i didn't want to eat before tennis.

belly is grumbling. i'm not going to feed it though. it's too late in the night. i hope it eats its own fat content. could sure lose some weight.

oysters

did you know oysters are an aphrodisiac and can make you super horny? i didn't know that. i got told that by my austrian wannabe lover (wannabe probably more so, or more desperate on my side than his) the day after we went for oysters.

combination of rejection + no opportunity for great awesome sex is really putting a damper on this ol' 25 yr old soul.

rejection

okay so there are only so many 'nos' i can handle in life. irregardless if the person is busy or not, no's from guys i haven't met, no's from acquaintances i'm trying to re-acquaint, no's from best girlfriends...
ppl are busy. i understand. but seriously. can't even get anything going for the weekend. sometimes i wish i could go back to the ways pre-going out. b/c now that i've realized how much more fun it is to go out and do stuff, rather than mulling at home, i've been feeling deprived when there's no one to hang out with.
why can't i just do stuff on my own? b/c. i, by myself am boring, and i can't think of anything i'd do on my own that would provide enough entertainment to make me feel happy.

i've been told to stop seeking out the quick bursts of happy just to feel satisfied for a short amount of time and to find out what really makes me happy by myself, that would sustain me for a long time. well... what makes me happy by myself is finding ppl to hang out with. being in other ppl's company. being rejected, i don't care if ppl already had plans, x 10 is crappy no matter what the situation is.

pounced

so, i wouldn't say i got 'pounced' on by a guy, but it sure felt like it as it was unexpected... okay so it was 1am and i was dressed post clubbing bday night, but i also went over b/c it seemed like the only time to hang out with a friend. a friend who never showed interest before, never initiated times to hang out and watch movies, all done by me btw, and hadn't spoken to him in a month.

so... feeling more like a convenient tool for the horny, quiet type. and more baffled and confused than ever by guys. thought i had them figured out!

back to paris?!

last year was jeff koons who allowed me to survive the tight, claustrophobic corriders of versailles. don't get me wrong, versailles IS beautiful, but when it's hot, stuffy, and you're being corraled like cattle thru a throng of tourist groups, versailles is not that enjoyable.

this year it's murakami's turn. time for another trip back to paris?!

how rude

the latest random message from the online dating site:
"how come of the three asian girls iv dated none of them shaved there chachas until i told them too?"

how... rude... was thinking of replying back with something scathing like, "how come out of all the white guys i've dated, their penis' are usually pretty small, why is that?! mmhhh?" but no. i did not, i just blocked the user as any normal person would have...

The sadness of a break up

When someone says, "she is too broken"

Just tragic. Absolutely tragic.

what the ffuck

just in, on my online dating inbox

"according to the chinese faciology, you are a smart,witty, and a passionate person, I will be straight forward, you enjoy sex!

Do you why I said that?

PEOPLE WITH THICKER LIPS MEANS THEY ARE PASSIONATE PEOPLE

UPPER LIPS MEANS THEY ARE INTO LOVE AND ROMANCE

LOWER LIPS MEANS THEY ARE INTO THE PHYSICAL SIDE.

FUNNY?"


... um WTFFFF and this guy is REAL he has a pic and profile and everything. seriously... THESE are the types of guys that are out there!!!!
like is this for realz?!?!

the funny thing is, he isn't wrong... i DO enjoy IT... but only with the right one!

OH SNAP

asian boy found me on online dating site and messaged me! scared/freaked me out so much i quickly had to close the browser as if that'll solve anything. worse thing is that the recipient knows when i've read their msg or when i've deleted it!!!

best part, i had signed up after i told him i didn't really know what i wanted and if i wanted to be in a relationship and here i am on an online dating site...

okok, whatever, it's my life i can do whatever i want... except my description now has that thing about asians and guys who are tall and he is 5'6 and chinese.... FMLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL x 10

Best thing that's happened to me today

I got a seat on the canada line coming home from work!!

Seriously. That's how busy this line is...ridonkulous.

no chinese here

"Hi, I'm Dave...

So I was typing a message to you, and as I was looking at your profile for material, I found out you have no interest for Chinese guys. Felt like a door slammed in the face. I thought you looked sort of honger for a second. My mistake...Good Luck =)"

i guess i was too harsh in my description??

i still think it's better to be honest than to waste time, no?

Jackass moment

One thing I promised myself not to do is to cry at work. Especially in a company dominated by men who would just assume I'm crying or acting this way b/c I'm pmsing...and they would be absolutely right. I basically snapped at another type A personality and then was told that though I do great work and am awesome I cannot throw tantrums. Wtf. I didn't throw a tantrum, I was reacting to someone giving me the "T" with their hands (like the time out sign) and ok ya I guess I kind of blew up and went totally unprofessional. Anyway, I really was in the wrong and tho make things worse I burst out crying. Jackass.
Had to sneak to the bathroom w/ my laptop, balanced it on the top of the toilet roll and typed out my woes to my friend in london...
Pathetic. I seriously am blaming it on the pms.

asian finance

there's a finance guy on this online dating site who seems to be more interested in the industry of what i work in than myself.

he's a finance guy who's also chinese. i like one part of that description, guess which one it is? it isn't chinese btw.

secret facebook status update

currently replying back to online dating inbox messages.

secret, which is why i'm announcing it on this blog! hah

dear boy with gf

why are you text-flirting me? you know it's true. if your gf saw this text history she'd ask wtf. hell, i would. so... what are you doing. and what am IIII doing? sigh.... no harm no foul, except the only harm is mental and that's my mental breakdown with everything that's been going on.

under appreciated

so, in my head, i feel unappreciated, even though i've offered the same if not similar gestures, but was refused. i'm the sounding board to his ridiculous man-whore or potential man-whore stories. i am the person who understands the superficial side of him, also b/c anybody else may judge, and i certainly am the last person to judge anyone. i am the person who is always the first to step up and make sure they're taken care of. so... when i keep hearing about how the ex-gf this and that and how she surprised you with cake even though i asked you if you wanted any, sometimes, really, i can't help but feel a little under appreciated. i mean, when i have friends, i am loyal, they are my everything, but how much of what i am putting myself out there is b/c of friendship or b/c of yearning for something that will never happen?

i'm going to guess 60-40 and the 60 being the one that's emotionally breaking me.

mail order bride

this is one i've received in to day's online dating inbox:

"Is this the mail order bride site? if so how does this work? Do we meet in canada or do we meet in china? Do we have to get married or can we stay common law? When I buy a car, I get to test drive it, does your firm offer the same service? do I get a 1 month money back garantee? I would like to know"

and that's ALL the message says. subject line is "info" obviously this is spam, but still... after the 10 msgs i've received, still nothing really... this online dating thing seems to be validating my existence more so rather than me searching for someone to date! oh well, whatever floats my boat right? it's just that, why can't a good looking boat come and float it?!

Shut up

Must keep thinking, "he's mentally challenged... He's mentally challenged..." Lest I yell shut the fuck up...

no asians

would it be so bad if i wrote 'no asians reply' on my online dating profile? that's right... i've signed up for an online dating site. i'm. just. not. attracted (as in 'passionately' attracted) to asians usually, mainly 99% of the time and the only ones responding thus far (albeing it's been 48 hrs of account creation) are dorky asians or just dorks in general. I"M A DORK. i CAN'T DATE NO DORK. DORK + DORK = MORON!

Sucks

The new transit system w/ the canada line licks balls. is it so difficult to at least provide a bus service that runs on time and more frequently? Especially since you took away the original direct bus routes? Muppets...

Too distracting

So I got pulled into HOUR's office yesterday b/c someone had said they were too distracted by the way I dressed. Apparently, I was bouncing on the yoga ball and had I flipped back or fell over he would've seen my granny panty boyshorts (well that last bit wasn't said like that, but the intention of a crotch flash was implied). No personal vendetta, he totally thinks I'm a good girl, I'm cute or whatever, but apparently the way I was dressed that day (or any other day? Not sure) I was too much of a distraction...enough so that he felt he had to go to HOUR and not to me. And the reason he couldn't come to me was b/c he wouldn't even know what to say or how to even describe what I was wearing to tell me.

Wooow talk about being like blind sided. Nonetheless HOUR wasn't sure how to tell me either b/c they think I am fine, but b/c someone came to them they felt they had to tell me. No consequences or anything, more of bafflement and surprise.

I had been having a stressful work week and I wasn't upset by this, but I still burst out crying, perpetual tears leaking out from my eyes, looking like a total fool. The intention was never to make me cry or punish me or anything, but I still couldn't stop crying.

Ok tears over so...Like what the hell?! I dress fine! Maybe what's more inappropriate or distracting was that I was bouncing on the ball so vigorously. NOT the way I dressed! Humph

privilege

you know what's a privilege? being able to fart. seriously. wait until you have over 48 hrs of not being able to and you're doubled over with belly pain and/or look pregos, then tell me if it's not a privilege.

this is why you rock

kind of pissed

i'm kind of pissed at one of my girlfriend's. i had been trying to get a hold of her since i got back from vacation, which was around the end of july, but a lot of personal stuff had been happening to her every week. granted it's not really her fault, but then when i tried week after week, texting, calling, and fb msging her about stuff, she's sooo laggy about response or doesn't even reply that it makes me feel... well quite honestly, pissed. like what the hell. i don't care if you're busy. EVERYBODY's busy! being "busy" is an excuse, doesn't mean anything, neglible in life b/c if you really wanted to hang out you'd actually shuffle the so-called importance of your life to fit me in.

i. obviously do not count as part of that priority list. i really should not care b/c fine, whatever, but honestly... i'm kind of pissed more that she doesn't seem to care. i think that is what bothers me the most.

so now we're chatting and trying figure out a date, she's free for the next 4 days, so i chose thursday, oh but lo and behold she might be busy as she might have to go celebrate someone's engagement... an engagement she doesn't even feel strongly about and she couldn't even reply back to me (on facebook which i know she has access and doesn't have stupid phone problems) about if she was free this weekend to even spend some time with me for my birthday.

is it too much to ask key pl in my life to spend a little time to be with me on my birthday? i turned 25. supposedly, that's suppose to be a big deal. apparently not. it just means i'm half way from being young and stupid to supposedly wiser and accomplished. so, i guess that means i'm still young and stupid with far reaching hopes of being accomplished and smart.

UPDATE: okay so ti's a day later since the above post and actually i did calm down after 30 mins and it was fine... but boy was i ever livid!!

emotional breakdown

is what happens when it's 5am and i watch girls throw themselves at HIM and i have no way of getting home b/c my car is at his locked parkade. slightly torturous i'd say.

"why are you crying?? tell me what's wrong!!"

no words can come out except maybe the reality is oh shit i've fallen for something bad... which i knew. but now i REALLY have to get over it. end of the long weekend indicates time for school, time for new changes, and time to grow up.

time. to. grow. up. and move on!

bday beats

it was my birthday yesterday. i went partying. i woke up with a bruise on my lower hip...no idea how i got it. just glad i got home okay!

Random

So after a night of dancing I'm sitting in a million dollar penthouse waiting for my friend to finish.
Finish what? Finish fucking, finish talking just to bloody finish.
I'm sitting at this obscure dining room table just waiting.
My car is in his locked parkade. My stuff is in his locked apartment.
Happy f'ing birthday to me.

Big girl status

I'm 25. Time to go get my ears pierced for the very first time.

UPDATE - i chickened out at last minute, can't go thru with it!

what to do

what to do about the asian boy. do i continue this pursuit or kind of slowly drop it? do i hope there eventually WILL be sparks when we kiss? that's a big hope eh... at this very moment, at 724am, i feel kind of meh and don't want to try anymore. now...how do i wean him off of me?! b/c apparently he 'really likes hanging out with me' my response? mhh ya me too... what am i suppose to say?! um no it's just okay?! not suppose to BE that blunt! but maybe that's required?

About to be 25

I'm about to be 25 in 2 days. There's nothing really monumentus about this. It IS just another year where I get older and supposedly turn another year smarter, but right now, sitting on the bus to work, I find myself inadvertently thinking back to 24 and all that has happened this past year.

I got laid off from work.
I had the biggest and tiring interviews of my life.
I almost changed my life entirely by thinking of moving to San Francisco.
I went to Europe on my own, well I flew out on my own, and had a fab time with wonderful friends. It was definitely a life/style changing 3 weeks that I think reflected when I got home.
I thought I had an tumor in the most inoperable and awkward location of my body and was going to die.

And now?
I am alive.
I have a job.
I've already been to Europe, again, this year.
And I have another year with my parents.

So...life.is.good.

dear ex-bf

you shall rename nameless, although i'm sure you know it's YOU and others who know YOU will know it's YOU, nonetheless... YOU'VE MADE ME DAY x 10. for realz. fo shizzle nizzle realz.

thank you for the tough love and awesome words. you're truely the best and you always seem to know when and what to say when i really, really need it.

DANKEEEEEEE mille grazie.

PS - i will now email you to thank you properly. just thought you deserved a wicked shout out cause you're the best.

i love you marc jacobs

and louis vuitton. absolutely ADORING the new fall 2009 ready to wear line. the texture, shape, and pattern so unique and different.

bunny ears! genius, quirky, yet beautiful all at the same time.

could IIII pull off bunny ears? sadly not, i can't even pull of the flower headband that was trending this summer. i'll stick with my regular ears. boring.

online dating

would you judge me if i created a profile on an online dating site like plenty of fish?

i'm curious, but not committed enough that i think i would follow thru if anybody ever contacted me... and my curiosity is only pique b/c my friend's been on a date with a hot girl and is going on another tomorrow night. he's so excited he deliberatly is not planning a specific date to hang out with me for my birthday b/c he might get some hot euro pussy action on the weekend.

and i... can't just say fuck him and forget about him, b/c i seem to do everything to want to hang out with him, to reprioritize whatever i have just so i can spend some time with him! yes HIM. the same one.

i'm being shuffled down on the priority list for hot euro pussy.

heck, i think i'd do the same if the hottest person i've ever met might be a potential mate.

5 days and counting

my birthday's in 5 days.

i turn 25. whoopiedoo.

i feel. whoopiedoo. in the most sarcastic fashion.

i don't think i have enough maturity to make myself change how i feel and become less facetious. unfortunately, i'm one of those ppl who feel either very high with happiness or really low with bitchiness.

guess which state i'm in now?

... then again i did have to take 2 birth control pills last night b/c i totally missed a day... let's blame today's mood on too much estrogen.

point: too much women can kill you. men watch out.

disappointment

in the weather
in my friends
in my life

point blank.

yes... i'm back in a humbug phase. must wallow and curl up to read my latest romance novel. those usually cure me

Ew

My coworker has his feet propped up on his desk. Sans shoes. Ewww. No decorum

quite a blunder

so after a few days of treating a zit that was growing underneath the skin (those annoying zits), on my forehead, but nothing visually showing up, i realized that the zit pain i was feeling was really a bruise from when i hit my forehead with my tennis racquet, when i was doing a one handed forehand (whipped up for top spin ).

at the time of the hit, i felt more stupid and didn't think anything of it.

my frame is made out of metal. i'm just lucky i didn't knock myself out cold.

What really matters in life

My mum is crowing with joy b/c she got a free flu shot that's worth $150 (my dr's cool like that).
I made myself happy by spending $150 at sephora, apple, and la senza. All of which won't cure me from illness, but will make me look, feel, and act sexy.

how small is too small?

so, now that my resolution is to think more platonically, maybe i should focus my efforts on the asian who i think is interested in me.

so i ask you. if you went from ... maximum ... to now what one might guess as regular or maybe, and not by fault of him, but fault of genetics and race, even slightly smaller than regular... not that i can confirm this AT ALL, but it's just by my estimate that it could quite be a downgrade.

i know. that is AWFUL for me to say, but i like IT and i like it good. so with this, i've resolved to get to know the personality so ANYTHING else or little else, can be overlooked. it has to be. i can't be THAT shallow. but i guess i really am!?

i think i should go to sleep. maybe my crazy thoughts will disappear into weird dreams instead.

still feeling masochistic and sad, but i'm sure, i have to, get over this.

feeling a little masochistic

not like to the extremes or anything to really be worried or to report about, but just... urgh ok story time, well let me back track.

so i think, as my friend says i am, that i. do. love. him. woha is right. how much love? i don't know, but here are my symptoms and you can decide:

-i'll drop whatever i'm doing to go hang out with him
-when we're doing it (and it's not b/c we're 'together,' but b/c well for me b/c i am sexually attracted to him and he makes my blood run hot, for him, not sure if it's b/c he's genuinely all that into it, or if it's b/c it's been so long it's almost like 'what we do') i love the feel of everything
-i hang on to his every word
-i get excited when i know i'm going to go see him even if it's only for 30 seconds
-i get a strange feeling, some might call it jealousy, when he talks about other girls
-when he's sad, i'm sad, when he's happy, i'm happy. though this last one is an attribute to all my friends

anyway, she thinks i am in love with him. i think i'm ... something... but right now i just feel a little masochistic and sick to my stomach as i found out tonight about some hot date he was just on.

that it was an almost completely blind date, that she is hot, that is euro (oh how i love the euro i can't hate her for that), that she is slightly taller than me, built, lean, is EURO and is HOT. 2 things on his ever, always wanted wish list. and how when he talks about his date tonight he's using his deep, husky voice that really means he's in 'that' mood. it's his sex voice. and using his sex voice while talking to me on the phone while talking about his super hot date (who btw is 'the most attractive persn' he's ever talked to... awesome, justpure so not freakin' awesome for my insecurities and 'heart'), i get all...needy in that i want him way. WHILE he's talking about this hot girl. how masochistic can i get?

and yet, i can't do anything, but to urge him on as if, every little bit of everything he says will tie me closer to him. that he feels he can tell me these things, which makes me some sort of confidante.

yet. i still. want. him.

fmylife f. my. life.

how do i get over him and steel myself to continue listening to his escapades?

supposedly tomorrow, when he casually texts her (he really wants to say let's fuck, but it's too soon to do that...) about when she wants to hang out again, will be a telling sign of whether this hot euro is really interested or not.

great. i'm going to get a text from him with the exciting news.

again, i can't not know, b/c i don't want to be cut out of anything. i must be privy to all! i know i'm crazy, i sound crazy, i feel... tormented.

so. resolution. MUST resolve to feel platonic, must not use him as a yardstick to any other guy. must... stop desiring him as it's making me crazy, in every single way.

sadface.

Bozo the clown

Why? B/c my nose is red. Why? B/c I spent all day and I mean 9 hours outside sunday playing softball. Why? Year end tourny? No sunscreen? Why? B/c I was still too drunk bordering on hung over in the morning to remember to grab my suncreen. Why? B/c I drank twice my limit. Why? The bartender kept pouring doubles.
Which then equated to my throwing up, I THINK by a fence near frites.
So kids, lesson learn is know when to stop drinking.
B/c you might end up with a slightly sun burnt nose and forehead.

Stop staring

I don't know if it's just all in my head or if I'm just a total neurotic, but I hate it when ppl stare at me.

That sounds so arrogant and egotistical, but I do feel as though sometimes ppl, or pervs, stare. Blatantly. As they walk by or whatever. It's disgusting and makes me uncomfortable. I just want to say "what the hell are you staring at?" But then that just might make me sound crazy and they could totally not be staring at me.

I sound crazy.

And it's not like my boobs are hanging out or my bum is showing. I mean I'm not crazy covered up, I have legs that I've worked at toning and there maybe the top of my chest, but it does not give the permission to blatantly stare!
Weirdos...

Overwhelmed and anxious

It's only tuesday and I am already wishing the week is over except the light at the end of the tunnel is the morning shift at the bank, so...really there's no light... It's just abysmal hole.

Work is stressful and difficult, but only b/c I think I'm a total idiot and can't comprehend anything technical and it's a painful process to 'ask the right questions' that I'm at the point of is this what it's going to be like for the another 6 months...daily grind of feeling frustrated and not getting the answers I require.

Bleh.

What's that?

Ballet teacher - "what's that?"

Me - "my belly"

:(

Blue poo

Did you know if you eat too many blueberries at a time it will turn your poo a blue/green?!

Or maybe something is wrong with my digestive track, but I've never seen it like that!!
:( sadface

krump

um... my mum just tried to krump... we're watching so you think you can dance canada.

she also scolded at the tv, when we watched flashpoint, to just get in there and take them down with their guns.

this is my mum!?

blueberries

i googled "is it okay to eat lots of blueberries?" as i'm feeling a uber bloated and it actually really hurts now. i thought blueberries are suppose to be awesome?!

my answer:
"??

Uh, NO. As a matter of fact, it would be great for you if you could eat a container a day!

Berries are FULL of cancer-fighting agents.

If you are not used to eating berries, you might want to eat half today, half tomorrow - there is a small chance you might experience some digestive difficulties. It's not very likely - but you might get the runs."

thanks yahooanswers

THE RUNNSSSS?! i guess i'm happy it's only bloatation right now. and for a matter of fact i only ate half a big cereal bowl of blueberries... clearly my body is not use to the good nutrition i'm feeding it.

or this could be a side effect from the bechamel sauce that was over my savory crepe from lunch today.... crap... not literally crap, just metaphorically...

Ballet

So based on my recent musings of how desperately alone and self deprecating I've been feeling, I've decided to take ballet. There's drop in intro-ballet at harbor dance and I thought... Why not. I've always wanted to. What's stopping me other than my own insecurities which is why I need to step it up and just do it. Do something that will let me escape from my own paranoid, repressed, crazy thoughts.

It takes just one look

Omg there are some good looking men in great summer business and business causual attire... It just takes one sweeping glance to eradicate the disgust of tshirt bums out there...well for about 5 mins and then it's back to seeing tshirt bums all around.

Not against tshirt bums, just prefer a fitted button shirt gent in hot shades.

put in my place

i know that my insecurities, worries, and general freak outs are usually very petty and are entirely self-controlled. however it doesn't change the fact that certain days for a few hours i will feel utterly depressed and down in the mouth thinking I’m being rejected from every relationship out there… it’s my own insecurities really. It’s… can I be myself comfortable vs how do I get myself out there to meet new people.

Well I got a well deserved kick in the butt from my friend, same one I tend to agonize over, but he said scolded me and said I have nothing to worry about (true, I’m not unemployed, I’m not in my late 20’s worry about the forevers with my partner, and I live at home) and that I need to figure out what I want. Either be comfortable getting a lot done being solor or make a major move to meet new people.

and I did feel better, kind of put some realization into my life. That my life is in my hands, I have control of it. I generally have this feeling of self assurance every so often and I’m comfortable with myself and what I do for a few weeks at a time, but every so often I have a mini-meltdown. Can I blame it on being in my mid-20’s and so I’m trying to ‘figure myself out’… I could, maybe it has some part of it? But really I have no one to blame but myself. so… I have to remember that. Only I, can change who or what I am and to make myself happy. Rely on thyself.

keeping it cool

in the recent hot and balmy days of the oppressing heat, it would be nice to see the gents out there look stylish while maintaining their cool. i'd rather see this
or this(via thesartorialist)
than the shirtless, gut hanging out there, barbarians who thinks it's okay to look like hairy shiny beasts just b/c it's suffocatingly hot.

hey man, i hate the heat just as the next person, but you don't see me prancing around barely there shorts and bra... as much as i'd like to b/c really this heat (or the heat that was here) made me feel like i was it's slave.

the italians just do it better

even in denim. and i hate denim

via thesartorialist!

It's not me, it's you

Has anybody ever said it's not me it's you? Whether it's breaking up of a romantic relationship or some sort of relationship platonic or not? I'm sure 70% of the time out there it really is 'you' not 'me' let's be honest here ppl, how much of that person can you really tolerate before you have to end it? And that's probably most of our insignificant, acquaintances relationships we have. Time to end those and focus on those that really matter to us. So... It's not me, it's you.

Obvious statements and the like

You know what's annoying? When ppl make obvious statements to attract attention to themselves. I'm sure we're all guilty of it at some point, myself included, but I'm thinking of one specific person who thinks he's so awesome, but really he's a bit of a douche.

I.E. If that is really a 'terrible' photo of yourself why call attention to it by making a comment saying it's a terrible photo of yourself? So ppl can say oh no you look fine so hot. Ya I get you. You attention whore.

Plums

Did you know plums are full of fibre? I only found out after eating about 10 of them. Sadness.

Coworker brought in a giant zip lock baggie full. It's the orange, reddy small size plums, not sure what they're called. And I love fruit I love fruit so much I'd be happy just eating fruit all day, well maybe some meat thrown in, but I felt so lucky we had this bag to gorge on that I just wen nuts. Until someone mentioned it's full of fibre and then my tummy started rumbling and was unsettled for the rest of the day.

I feel like fruit betrayed me. We had such a good relationship.

awesome new design blog

i'll have to remember to follow 3rings. like a GOLD mine!

it's nothing to do with me

justin made a good point from one of my recent posts. okay... i get that it's not about me. actually, it helped to remind myself that, that it's not me who's having the issues, but sometimes i still don't understand why consistency of b/w friends... well, remain consistent. and i don't even feel this way about my other gfs. just... him. sad face. must forget about him.

spam on my blog?!

okay, i was just looking over some postings i had made previously and saw there was a comment on me being dateless and there's cow out there who posted spam in my comment box! i feel kind of... violated and offended in some way, but not really surprise as this is a blog. nothing's sacred these days. hah at least not in the internet. but wooow talking about someone trying to get some SEO or free ad links up!

sweat

Why is no one else sweating as much as I am right now? Ok no one within 2 seats of me seem to have any sweat running off them. I'm sitting and haven't moved and yet I'm running driblets off my body. Poor bloke who has to sit in this seat after me. It won't be pretty.

It's hot

I can't remember ever feeling this hot. Hot and humid. Blah blah be thankful for the sun, but dude it's really suffocating heat! On the bus and am perpetually sweating. I wonder how the lady who has to wear a head scarf is handling this. Or if the majorly fat lady is losing any weight from the sweat she must be ejecting...

It's hot. I'm hot. turn it down a notch.

Theory

So had a theory or epithany while on vacation. I look like I'm 14 or 16...something underage and perhaps that's why I seem to attract the younger, unappealing crowd.

I'm 24 and I want someone in their late 20ks or early 30's. Who wants to cradle rob?!
I'm pretty much fucked.

Newbies

Had two new hires start on our team today. The good looking one is engaged and the other is unappealing. Prospects are dwindling out there.

To difficult

You know what pisses me off? When you seem like you can't even talk to me on msn. Ok, so it's msn not the best tool for communication, but I've made it clear hanging in person I'd preferable and desirable. Feeling like I have to be 'slotted' into your busy schedule when it's convenient for you is taking it's toll on my psyche. Why is our friendship so much harder for us to be together? What ever happened to when ppl would say hey let's hang out tomorrow, why does it have to be a 'let me see if I can fit you in' ... And yet no matter how much I think I don't give a damn, I do.

Back from vacation and I can't say it feels to be good home. Certain insecurities about life and the ppl around me are starting to creep back in when I had them held back at bay before I had left. I guess all I can do is just move on with life and if ppl want to be with me they certainly know how to reach me.

Hot hot heat

I simply cannot believe how hot it is. It's so hot and oppressive I feel like I'm being suffocated as I sit here on the bus. Even the breeze is warm.

apparently i'm dress like a slut

according to a pair of random gay men.

early morning, going to go get my coffee, when 2 gay men walking opposite of me say 'put on some clothes! how disgusting!' snicker and keep walking. i know it was directed at me b/c i was the only one on the street and it was pretty damn obvious. i stopped, turned around, and then went EXCUSE ME?! HOW RUDE!!! and then of all the most witty come backs i could think of all i said was you homo-fuckers... which isn't really an insult b/c it's kind of the truth. Ffffff. need to think of more derogatory comebacks when being verbally insulted on the street by strangers.

so i don't think i looked like a slut! i was wearing a tank dress, belted, my chest was completely covered by a scarf... like what the hell! i was pretty outraged and then immediately self-conscious afterwards

my perfect cupcake scene

helloooo hello kitty and keroppi!

via cupcakestakethecake

the way to my heart is thru my stomach

via cupcakestakethecake
except, instead of a candy ring, a real ring would be better. oh look how round and perfect shaped it is. sigh...

orgasmically yes

just ... yes

via cupcakestakethecake.blogspot

brit cuppies

via (bathbabycakes flickr)

a bakery in Bath, UK. found their cuppies on cupcakes take the cake.

SUPER cute creations, beautiful and simple wedding cakes.

just wish they had a dslr to take better photos!

panda tackle twihard

twihards may tackle her to get to him. i would take her to get to PANDA!!

happy

this site makes me happy. very happy. laaalaaaaa

LV lego!!

via chic report

the equation

Courtesy

Does it count as 'disabled' if I have a tumor in my lung, even though on the outside I look to be whole and healthy? Can I play that disabled card on the bus with the courtesy seats?! Or would it just sound bitchy?

Vanity

As I was waiting for the skytrain I noticed an elderly eastern european lady approaching me, and of course fearing for my well being (sarcasm, but still, I don't like to be approached by strangers whether young, old or animal), I start turning my body slightly and away. Thinking she was asking for money she said, "you have very nice legs"

What a nice surprise!! :) I don't care if it's vain to feel pleased by that. It's nice to know SOMEONE thinks I have a nice limbs, especially since those limbs only have a 29" in seam...high heels forever.

i want

but won't eat. via animated cupcakes.

speaking of eating cupcakes, i gave in and had a chocolate cupcake with chocolate buttercream cupcake today. that combined with the starbucks ice coffee made my tummy angry, but gave me enough sugar to last through the afternoon.... seriously needed it, was falling asleep at my desk with my hands on the keyboard... slacker.

cupcakes

i seem to have a great obsession with cupcakes. and not so much as eating them, but just LOOKING at them and in all their cute petite prettiness.

like how freakin' cute is this?!




this lady's cupcakes are pretty damn good looking too. though i'm not so keen on her 'sweet readers' and sweet this and that in her blog. it gets tiring reading it all the time!
i think it's her packaging that ties it up all together that makes her cupcakes look extra special and unique. it's all about presentation!

oh and my ultimate cupcake obsessed site is Cupcakes take the Cake
They post everything and anything related to cupcakes. and it seems like these bloggers go around interviewing cupcake chefs and stores! how awesome is that?! if my job was to be in PR or Marketing of cupcakes?! not so keen on being a cupcake taste tester b/c i don't think my hips could handle it, but to report and take photos of pretty cuppies?! ohhhh mannn dream job... well... another idea for a dream job! haha

mhhh s'mores cupcakes via blog

more bum

so my friend confirmed that it's not just in my head, but my bum does sway when i walk and if i strut then i'll have a 'sexy walk.' apparently i'm only half way there. i have a half way sexy walk. b/c my ass is too big to not move side to side... fml

Vanity

As I'm walking to work and yes typing this while walking, dangerous, I know, I realized my bum goes side to side. I know this b/c I often check myself out against the reflection of the shop windows... Ok come on, don't tell me you've never taken a glance yourself! It's not vanity it's curiousity... But back to my bottom.... Not sure if I like the sway..

Sun

"I want to marry the sun so it'll never leave me" - a FB status from 'that' gf.

Well honey, sorry to say, but the sun could also divorce you and leave you w/ stormy clouds that'll shit on you. ... That's not too mean to write as a comment is it?!

I guess someoneee believes in love forever...if only you really knew... Hah I'm not bitter eh?!

take my breath away

prima ballerina a haute couture tutu by karl lagerfeld created for elena glurdjidze.

that's her, in the photo.

Uncouth

I just saw a fat (yup, that's right I'm not even going to be all PC about it), woman on the bust put her cellphone into her bra. As if there was a magical cell phone holder in there. That's how fat she and disgusting she is. She hides inanimate objects into the fat folds of her body. And she's wearing shorts and a tank that barely cover her rolls. It's like watching a car wreck.

lego

found here

more lego by janovor mann

buttless

buttless tights

what the fuck...

Great start to the day

Woke up an hour later than I usually do for work and in my haste to get a move on I almost just fell down the escalator...face first. In front of all the morning commuters.

NOTE - was NOT typing out blog entry when tripping occured.

lookalike

Sitting across the aisle from a jake gyllenhal look alike!! Hotttt. Too bad he said 'baby' about 5x on the phone. Dreams dashed.

minimalist

loving the new 2010 london olympic posters. found on ffffound.com

not sure if it's the official poster or someone being brilliant pro bono.

fifi-lapin

what the heck is fifi-lapin b/c wiki doesn't know

real, not real? viral? genius fashion icon? who created her?! what is she?! oh the mystery...

reacch outtt . again.

it's come across my attention that this needs to be applied yet again.


no, not in job. job is going great. but in life. in personal life. with the way my mood's been i've either been fine/regular. hyper-sensitive and will cry at the drop of a hat or at... other things that break my fragile little heart. or just plain moody or bitchy probably b/c of resentment of fact no.2. so... i thought the below reach out that was from days of last september

Odd man out

A bit sick of being the 3rd, 5th or 7th wheel to everybody. I'm the tool of the group still living out my youth.

forever dateless

i'd just like it made known that it is a saturday night. nice warm evening. and i'm sitting at home in my pjs looking at cupcake and wedding dresses website with a little FB stalking thrown in.

don't think i haven't tried to get out. i've called my friends. no one picks up b/c they're probably out having fun and not checking their bloody phones. even my mum canceled our movie date due to indigestion and toilet time. yes. i got rejected for bowel consideration.

not. quite. comfortable being a homebody.

o. m. g.... simply must watch

and i don't even like musicals! but you can't get any better than with penelope cruz, daniel day lewis, marion cotillard, judie dench, nicole kidman, kate hudson (she's just meh for me), sophia loren (LEGENDDDD) AND it's based on a book that was derived from an italian play by mario fratti inspired by frederico fellini's 81/2

plot

and just look at the writing credits!

i'm so excited, i think i'm going to explode out of my body with happiness and anticipation.

zaha + lacoste

form yes. function no. zaha + lacoste b/c why not.

so chic

details

the ultimate singalong

i wish we had squares and piazzas to do something like this. not a giant singalong, but more like to have a crazy-ass gathering of people, not divided by gender, race or religion and to just enjoy moments i.e. uefa finals and ya i guess giant singalongs!

iiiii hearrrtttt

via externallycool.net

Internalizing absolute agony

And nothing I can do about it.

dagmar

so different. so unique. i want the music playing in the background.

dagmar

it's a sprint/summer 09 collection from house of dagmar. what a unique way of showcasing the clothes.

press release


via dagmar

some meaningful perspective

of all places to get some meaningful perspective on life, i got it from the hills?! i was cleaning up my room with the latest episode of the hills playing on the background (that's right it's my soothing background noise?! i'm tragic...) and i hear the psychiatrist telling spencer that he and heidi have become so 'one' and tied to each other that they've tended to isolate themselves in their own little world, pushing everybody away (hint to all you ppl 'in love' you'll have no more friends!!!), but what perked my ears was hearing the pscyhiatrist say that they've become each other's security blanket which makes anything or anyone intrude on this bond feel like it's threatening their bond with each other. and that! my friend is how i feel about my own besotted (and most of march and april's blogs were about besotted's angst and tragic demise to my heart, too many to hyperlink). that he's become this close security blanket where i've held control of it this entire time until recently when things have changed and gone back to reality, to normal ppl land... my security blanket is being threatened... or just shifting to something that is more emotionaly healthy, but i need to learn to recognize this truth. i need to learn to be on my own again, with no security blanket holding me up. ya... ok... tell my TEARS that! and... i'm not getting life advice from a 'psychiatrist' from THE HILLS?!?!?!?!

i miss the days of when i would just get advice from my historical romance novels. now i get it from new age pop 'celeb' mtv shows.

no wonder i'm a freak.