so i guess i tend to internalize a lot of things, but i think that's also a symptom of being a girl. i tend to just bottle stuff up or pretend i'm tough and brush stuff off, but really i'm a big fluffy softie, that once in awhile whatever i had bottled up, pretending it doesn't bother me, will just explode from my eyes in the form of tears, which may then appear as though i'm crying for no reason.
case in point, tonight, at tennis. my serve basically disappeared during the summer, my regular coaches were not there and i just lost it, muscle memory gone, now left with a crapola of what the hell am i doing serve. so tonight, after hearing one too many no, what are you doing, you know how to serve comments, my mentality just shut down and beat me up. then i cried. then i had to get one of those you don't suck talkings from the coach, and then was embarassed b/c crying in public for no apparant reason is just horrible. tragic. swollow me in a ground mortified.
what a night.
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