A meaningful end to 2008

Finally, some closure...

...

**: you are great the way you are now, so stop thinking anything else

Lambchop.: That means a lot to me, thank you
Lambchop.: You know I value your opinion a lot
Lambchop.: Cause you tell it to me straight
Lambchop.: No sugar coating

**: why is there a need to? you're pretty dam amazing, for a shorty

Lambchop.: B/c you've been thru a lot with me for the past 6 months and thru it u've been thru the change...whether u like it or not ur an important person in my life. So ur opinion matters to me
Lambchop.: I take it seriously
Lambchop.: To heart

**: haha, dont be so reserved about it. of course i like it and you
**: you sound so business

Lambchop.: I'm not!!
Lambchop.: I'm just... Emphasizing the imprtance you have in my life

**: good, you are to me too, so shut the hell up and enjoy the ride!

...

After all this time, angst, and internal agonizing, I actually believe and realize the importance I play in his life, that I wasn't just being used as a distraction from reality. I can't believe it was actually vocalized. Is it so weird I've saved the entire conversation and reread it so I know I wasn't imagining it?!

Freak out

Having sex, having sexxxxxx!! That's why there is no answer or reply. I just have to...get over the fact that it's just not in my favor these days.

New year's resolution. Stop being so tormented. And to get a life.

Holiday blues

Feeling slightly abandoned and trapped at home.

Abandoned, b/c my friends haven't called me to go out and trapped b/c unless you have snow tires, have a 4x4, and not afraid to shovel snow, it's quite a trek to get in and out of my neighborhood.

I understand that ppl have their own set of friends and lives to lead that may not necessarily involve me, but I thought I was included in someone's life, enough for them to call on me, rather than me desperately seeking company.

I guess I've come to the realization that I need to find something for myself, aside from friends and going out, to make me feel satisfied and content.

Oh right, it's tennis, and there are no classes until Jan 5th.

Bah humbug.

Reasons for not smsing me back. Having hot, lusty sex. Fuck...

Like a baby

I cried and freaked out over my paper cut at work.
Hey! It was a 20 page paper cut! Lethal stuff that is... :(

Hair assurance

"For me, my hair is my confidence. I have to have good styled hair to feel confident"

Oh good god. I'm in the backroom with a co-worker who just said that. A male co-worker...

More than buzzed

Sooooo more than buzzed. Don't let fb tell you otherwise. Shopping while drunk is kind of interesting in a drunken way... Just want to fall over, but instead I'm doing my boxing day shipping on the 23rd.

Douchebag @ starbucks

Nothing like a total douchebag, who thinks he's so awesome and cool, scratch that, he's an annoying douchebag, to make me roll my eyes at... If I had my way, I'd punch him in the balls, but I doubt he has any.

Even fancy underwear can't compensate for how I feel.

fat?

When someone tells you, you need to work on your fitness, are they calling you fat or slovenly?

My tennis has come leaps and bound. My 'fitness' is TBD.

Awkward

You know what's awkward? Pointedly asking my director if he got his sweater from banana republic and me sayin' "I liikeee it!" in a slightly creepy voice.

I sure know how to win them over...

sheos are the new grenades

i'm quite impressed with his cat-like reflexes. maybe that's what he'll be known for at the end of his term!

Retardo

When ppl ask me rhetorical questions that they already know the answer to or that the answer is super obvious

M-what r u wearing tmr?

Me-a dress, b/c I dun have dress pants

M-i was thinking that...we are dressing up?will it be frickin cold? supposed to snow tmr

Me-I dunno. Where what you want...? And I want to wear a dress

M-yeah ok...i just didn't want to be underdressed cuz i figured u guys would be dressing up..but i didn't want to freeze in a silk dress haha

Me-wear a coat

M-ok..i'll prolly just wear a dress then

So... This may not seem like anything special like oh she's just wondering what you're going to wear, but apply how she makes a "big" deal out of everything aka oh no dress in the cold what to do?! example to every little detail in life... The KISS process just doesn't apply to that particular brain.

It's a sigur ros day

It. Just. Is... Sigh
Being morally corrupted has major pitfalls.

Fb status that can't be published, but have an overwhelming to still post it somewhere...

Helen is... A lost little lamb.

Not quite a black hole

Alright so I haven't quite sunk into the depths of a black hole, yet, but I am sitting on the edge of uncomfortable.

Back to feeling like I have to walk on egg shells for fear of betraying my true feelings.

This has no subject line

The world is assed and I am in it's anus.

I'm not, really, but it's nice to blog on the fly as these one liners come to my head.

Ya I won't lie and say this doesn't suck, for lack of a fancy uber negative wish I can crawl into a hole to reverse time, but at the same time I can't honestly be upset as I knew going into this that the longer I stay attached and involved the more hurt and suffering I will have.

Melodramatic, but it has it's place here.

I'll just chalk this up to being what I absolutely deserve.

At least I still get dutch sundays...

back to normal?

what does your normal mean to me?! where does that leave me...? sigh. should've never gotten emotionally involved... bollocks...

EDIT: it means i'm left in the cold and will be the best man. abso-fuckin-lutely perfect. b/c i'm just that supportive.

i'm gassy

seriously, i keep farting in my seat, trying to let the air out slowly so it doesn't make a huge noise, no there's no smell, but still... how embarrassing. i'm scared of getting out of my seat for fear of farting as i walk to the bathroom... booo :( i'm so sexy.

tuesday morning thoughts

• stop sitting at a slant so you're not leaning on me you old fart
• midget boy who reminds me of justin from ugly betty, please shut the fuck up so my drink comes faster
• pls pls pls drugs kick in so i don't feel like a weak piece of shit
• i want my sexy weekend back, most especially the spooning
• douchebag, please no more contact, you're really not as great as you make yourself out to be
• you look like a man. if you're going to disguise yourself as a woman, at least do a better job with your eye shadow and hide those man hands
  

you've nailed straight on the head

alex - "Ah Paris. Isn't life so different and kinda numb when you settle into routine. We were ALIVE in Paris."

it's true. i feel numb with stupidity, retardedness (not a word, but i don't care), superficialness and anything that is generally lame.

what i would give to go back to paris...or at least to have THAT feeling back.

i feel like a fool for

• thinking i'm not being used
• being a tool to help release someone else's pain
• being jealous of something that isn't really min\e
• wishing for something that i know would never happen and wouldn't be good anyway
• letting myself to become that type of person
• thinking i am doing nothing wrong

monday mornings are not my forte

pet peeve: when someone i don't know tries to make conversation with me on a monday morning, except the conversation is really one sided, tries to make me talk more than a one word answer, AND tries to be "clever" by speaking chinese to me.

listen, fucker, it's a freakin' monday morning, and you expect me to put up a full fledge conversation where you think you're the brightest geek of them all AND be so ignorant as to think i speak chinese or will think you're so awesome for even knowing how to speak it?! you ignorant moronic prick, go move out of your mommy's basement and grow a pair.

secret society

how the hell do i join this secret, seemingly to be underground, dodgeball league that happens in the city? it seems like someone from each group of people or just someone i know via fb are all part of some sort of dodgeball league that i don't know how to get into?! there is a registration date?! how do i get 'invited' on a team?

i want to beee part of the rubber redball madness!!

tales of a tragic heart

i feel utterly helpless and tragic for my friend as he goes thru a day of horror. talking about one's relationship and being on the edge of jump this is it or no we're done forever. i never wanted this to happen for them, though it was always in the back of my mind, but now that's real, i feel utterly useless. what do i say, i'm not in that situation, i can't understand, i'm trying to be the supportive friend, but anything i would say may seem contrive and superficial, with an underlye of an ulterior motive, but no. no, i just want him to not lose the number 1 person in his life, but at the same time be happy.

a question he posed to me: why can't it be both. why is it all or nothing, why can't they just stay in your life even if that part of the relationship is dead?

i'm worried about her, about what she'll do... do to herself? i don't know her well, but i hope she won't be that selfish, gawd... what an awful sordid mess.

twilight

okay, so i finally watched twilight yays! i think the weirdest feeling is to watch a movie and know exactly what should happened, based from a book, but seeing it not happen, but seeing something similar happening... or anticipating something that is going to happen. it's quite a weird experience. i think this is what all those harry potter fanboys and fangirls must have felt like when they watched the first movie...

sigh... despite it's hopelessly cheesey moments, my heart did a little envious pitter patter at the utterly tragic romeo and juletesque moments.

Girls not ladies

Young girls are annoying with their uncouth language and slutty ways.

I happen to be sitting in a gaggle of them while waiting to go see twilight... Hehe yay twilight!

Bus thoughts

Good god, how the hell are you carrying a delicately wrapped up orchid plant in this super windy, chilly, rainy night?!

Chinese man sitting next to me, pls kindly avert your eyes from my beautiful berrybold screen. Mind your goddamn business.

Is it worth the trouble?

Bustiers, corsets, whatever you call them are probably one of the most difficult pieces of garments to find that fits!! Holy crap, after twisting my torso and squishing my boobs, in 5 diff bustiers, I've about to give up looking for one that fits!

Sigh, if I wasn't so horny and addicted to lacey lingerie, I would save all the hassle and go back to cotton...

Possible fb status updates that would give off the wrong impression

I feel depressed and suicidal after watchig rachel getting married.

I'm holding a bag from a sex store and may not get any for quite while... Actually, this one might not be so true, but it does sound funny.

Where I get my crazy from

My mum.

This realization came to me as I watched her push uh hum I mean nudged my dad forward in the james bond line up that was rapidly approaching the front. It was like watching an eager child too excited for something.

Oh wait, it was like watching me when I get crazy eyes for something.

Sturm or chicken broth?

Every time I open the fridge door, I keep mistaking the jar of chicken broth for a jar of sturm.

It's like being excited for something awesome and then being quickly let down. EVERY time...

Pathetically tragic

I'm a cuddly, affectionate thing, and I terribly miss sneaking up on you to give you a big hug or cuddle, when you least expect it.

Unrequited affection can be damaging to the psyche, which is why I choose to ignore it and continue as I am.

See ME. And what I would do for you.

this is what i looked like when i took my first puff

via videosift.com

a happy youtube video

Maybe not so smart

Am I hard of hearing? B/c I swear this is the 2nd time that either I have selective memory and hearing or that people have thought they told me differently about what the plans are, but either way, I'm sitting on a bench outside some apartment on the corner of dt, killing/buying time before I'm suppose to meet people, and I already feel so much of a retarded panda, tht I refuse to sms or call to clairify meeting time, esp when I wouldn't know anyone, and it feels more like I've invited myself when clearly it was he who called me to come out.

The longest run on sentence ever.

Now I have strangers talking to me. Wish I had pace. Or an aprt to hang out while I slowly bury my humilitation/awkwardness I feel deep inside.

Debating if I should feign ill and just go home. Pride deems that I stick it out and pretend I don't feel like a homeless friend.

Instead, perhaps I'll go find some homeless bums to hang out with.

Overexposed

Is what I am. I'm also an unrequited, retarded panda, love target. Not worthy of the real deal.

wrong window msg

hlam hi i still have to twirl for you 11:13 oh shit wrong window HAHAHAHAH sorry anita it was meant for callie... HAHAHA wow... 11:14 azwick@ hahahahahahahahaha! best wrong window msg ever! you can twirl for me if you want to

Right of way

Hi, asshole in dark blue station wagon who almost hit me, but didn't b/c I screamed and jumped back, WATCH FOR PEDESTRIANS ESPECIALLY WHEN WE HAVE THE WALK SIGNAL, ergo... I HAD THE RIGHT OF WAY!!!

This is at least the 3rd time I almost got hit by a car while crossing the street at the corner of hastings and seymour and always by cars turning left onto hastings from seymour, except this time is when I actually thought, for reals, that I was going to die.

Urgh.

It's raining buckets outside. I just want to curl up and sleep.

How's this for a fb status?

I'm sitting in my underwear and stinky tennis top, randomly stalking ppl on facebook. My belly maaayyy be hanging out just a tad and my bum crack may be peaking out from behind my panties.

I think I've turned into a 42 year old perverted man.

*hangs head*

five

just got sent this today.

Five.

On why it's so hard to find a genuine girl

A- "i'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe. i may look like i should have a girlfriend and it should be easy, but it ain't, cause i have parking dififculties"

Sometimes I wish you knew what was in front of you.

i want those 45 minutes back

the above is an image of alex sitting on a bench, where i eventually joined him. we sat, rested our feet for about 45 minutes, and for whatever reason, whether it was the insurmountable history that was surrounding us or the fact that we were getting cultured out, we started talking about life... philosophizing about our lives. eventually, alex recorded our conversation for a potential conversation in his script.

as i'm constantly surrounded the superficialness of reality, i like to remember there was a good 45 minutes of my life where nothing mattered in the world except my conversation with my dear friend.

i'll let you guess which 'character' is me.

drunk

at work.
well.. not drunk. 2 glasses of wine. good enough. i'm feeling womanly... you know.. WOMANly...
:(

i got scared

Reasons for not picking up their mobile

They're probably having sex.

Point blank.

Epiphany

I don't want to be the girl who gives up the kidney for someone who doesn't choose me ala gray's anatomy episode 6.

Beep beep

Are you honking b/c you are pissed @ the grid lock traffic post canucks AND lions game or are you honking at the canucks pwnin' the oilers?

am not going to lie

Not to sound racist or anything... But am a little nervous of the big black, oversize, baggy clothes, bling bling wearing guys that just walked by...

I don't understand

Why do ppl have to make insignificant, nonsensical comments on photos. Especially comments where I'm not even sure on how to reply... Like honestly, what do you even mean?!

Bitter and a little jealous

Ok, maybe lots jealous when seeing people I know living a life that can only happen in television reality, but it's not tv b/c it's happening right now. They're living a creatively charged life surrounded by other creative and innovative, fun people, in a city that supports all this.

Jealous when seeing the other doing 'freakishly' well with their chosen significant other. Feel slightly not proud of who I am. To be the secondary, the convenience on two continents, may be a little too much for me.

I should close the flickr page.

Currently on repeat: concerning the ufo sighting... By sufjan stevens

I.B.S.

So after spending an evening doubled over in abdominal pain and stomach bloating (mhhh I'm so hawt) I decided to go see my doctor the next day. Usually, when I get gassy or bloated (oh so sexy), my stomach hurts, but I can tough it out. Not last night though, horrible. I couldn't even sit down.
So this morning, I find out it's NOT my appendix (yay), but instead I have a 'nervous stomach' aka IBS aka irritable bowel syndrome...

Mhhhhh!! If that doesn't attract the fellas what will?!

So basically, I have to put these drops into my water 3x a day to relieve the cramping...
20 drops! For 3 monthes! And these drops aren't flavorless, oh no, they've got flava... AND I have to take metamucil caps all the time.

I am so desirable right now, take me.

hard day at work

i just spent 45 mins with my co-workers fleshing out an extremely and important complex list...

a list of who in our office resembles which character from the office (US version). we even used IMDB and lots of brain power... my head hurts.

it feels good to actually work! thumbs up.

playlist of the moment

say it to me now - glen hansard (once soundtrack)
que rico el mambo - damasco perez prado (motorcycle diaries soundtrack)

sad and achy. and then shimmy like no one's business.

Hearts you

For making my annoying morning into something hilarious.

Me - "-i'll look at that paul anderson video when I get to a computer..."

Alex - "please do. I'd go gay for him. That's how much I admire him"

Hahhahahha i heart you xoxo

Pet peeves

Ppl who can't use their core muscles and their own seat to push themselves out of their airplane seat and have to pull on my head rest to get up.

No replies on text or email. Simply rude.

Being the one in most of my friendships to make the initiated effort to do hang out.

Inconsiderate girls on the bus with voices that range in the annoyingly high pitch who talk about the insignificant events of their mundane tragic life, like child birth. Shut the fuck up... I think everybody on the bus knows half of your pathetic life by now and good god it's not even 830am.

I'm not a morning person.

Inside bus voice please

It's bloody 8am... Please use your inside, less annoying, low pitch voice before I take your bag and hit you in the head to shut the hell up... It's what sms is for. To talk to your neighbor via computerized text. Take advantage of such technology.

Urgh

I wish more places served wine for lunch. No, I wish wine was a more socially accepted choice of beverage with lunch. Not to say I was a euro socialite who dined on wine and cheese at lunch, but I know it was an option while I was there. Nobody would think twice about it.

Urgh.

Just urgh. Good god this must be pms, why I feel so negative. It's exhausting feeling this scrooge-like. Then again it's exhausting trying to be all happy too. So I'm caught in limbo...Having an existence can be tiring too.
Silently screaming for release...

All those men out there who blame our female erratic, irrational behavior on pms, you couldn't be more right. Let me tack a gold star to your forhead.

F u

You know what pisses me off? When ppl don't sms me back when I pointedly ask them a question. I get your busy, but as am I which is why I sms to confirm plans so I'm not planning holes in my non-existent social life.

Holy pony, I am feeling antagonistic right now... I blame pms. And perhaps I may be feeling under the weather.

On the flip side I am super happy I can blog via mobile. Brilliant.

Failure

Nothing like feeling like a total failure than coming out of a second, final interview with an awkward pit in my stomach.

I am an utter failure. Can I go back to europe where I felt whole?

Being early gets you nowhere

As I tried to be early @ the bus stop, like 2 buses earlier, in hopes of trying to be @ work at a decent time. Instead, the bus was late, the 2nd was completely full, to make up for the full one, and now I'm standing outside freezing my bum off in 6 degrees celcius weather, with tar fumes wafting towards me...

I know how I'm going to die

By tar poisoning. Construction going on across the street where they're digging up the road and then it gets funneled into a big truck. All that road work/ tar fumes are wafting ominously close to where we're all standing...

are we so obvious?

so i never thought my canadian or north american was so apparent until alex pointed out to me, during our trip, how funny the word "awesome" is.

go away somewhere, somewhere, where people speak english and speak it with a different accent and with different slang... then come home and all of a sudden, one day, you'll hear 3 awesomes within the hour and it sounds so... ahhhh-some.

i'm not dissing it, not calling it pony, just... huh, how funny, how obvious we can sound. how.. ahhh-some.

satie on repeat

teaser leaves me lacking

UP.

i saw this on shirl's blog.

i need more for it to tease me. right now it just leaves me going what...?

it's raining

I'm in a mood.

Changing of seasons by ane brun.

He falls asleep on her chest
the best sleep he´d ever met
nevertheless he dreams of some stranger´s caress
so he awakes and he knows
maybe someone else is supposed
to meet his hazy anticipating eyes

he draws the curtains aside
unfolding the first morning light
he glances at his disenchanted life

restlessness is me, you see
it´s hard to be safe
it´s difficult to be happy

it´s the changing of the seasons
he says ”I need them”
I guess I’m too Scandinavian
the relief of spring
intoxication of summer rain
the clearness of fall
how winter makes me reconsider it all

restlessness is me, you see
it´s hard to be safe
it´s difficult to be happy

and then she awakes
reaches for the embrace
he decides not
to worry about seasons again

Suffocating

Bus is full, it's piss pouring rain outside, and the windows are foggy.

I'm silently screaming "crack a window before I pass out from CO2 poisoning!!"

I think HTC phone guy, beside me, heard my silent pleas for help as he just cracked a window open.

I'm doing a little dance on the inside.

listen to these in sequence

ecstasy.

kings of leon - revelry
gustavo santaolalla (motorcycle diaries) - aperture
pj harvey - the devil
kings of leon - closer

ipod shuffle is on a roll, today...

i will always think of you when i listen to this song

leave.

b/c you were yelling out 'leave' in bed when you were listening to this... like a crazy person, your hair was sticking up everywhere. cracks me up wherever i am, whenever i hear this...

why you gotta be such a hater

you're not even freakin' british. don't be a hater. just enjoy the photos.

gangly uncoordinated boys

piss me off, especially when i have to play tennis with them. makes me want to beat you with my racquet for how much you sissy-hit the ball.

Reality bites

Point blank.

First day back to work since I've been home.

http://lambchop6.blogspot.com

No more being 2nd choice

Or the backup or the after thought or the one that's always there... No, from now on I've made a resolution to be nobody's convenient little sweet side. If you want me you make me ur number 1 choice...

Oh gawd I'm going to be single for years aren't I... Times are certainly looking tough indeed... Pony.

Hello again

Missed me? I've been away. http://lambchop6.blogspot.com

After 30+ hrs, cancelled and delayed flights, i finally made it home, but baggage-less. In a way I feel incomplete b/c all my souvenirs are in the bag so it's like a lot of memories are still scattered out there. At least I still have my photos to remind me what an amazing time I've had. Truly what made the trip great and so memorable is my dear friend Alex. He's one of the few people in this world who can sit with me and understand me, often times without me having to speak... That whole silent communication and understanding actually exists... Don't get me wrong, being absolutely retarded together was equally magnificent... Sigh paris je t'aime...

last 48 hrs

have been pretty life altering.

in a nutshell...

1 phone and 1 f2f interview on the same day for the same company.

am not on work leave anymore so i guess my countdown clock doesn't apply anymore... oh but how i do like it, it's so neat... oh right, not on work leave anymore, have been asked to stay WITH a 10% increase (cha-ching), plus other great bonuses... BUT albeit this is great i'm not scrambling or under a timeline anymore, this is not my career option so i'll still be job hunting post trip.

which brings me to next point, come check out lambchop's adventures, so i probably won't be posting in here for a few weeks...

oh back to work crazy, and THEN the company i had interviewed for called me saying they want a second interview post-trip

and THENNNN the BIG motherland company where i interviewed for ALL freakin' day long in SF said they will call me this morning for an 'update.' ya... i'm thinking the update is to say we love you, but we don't want to relocate and found someone local. i'm preparing myself for that.

okay chats later. must pack...

i heart this site

to chris, thanks for the discovery, well really thanks shirls, b/c i don't really know chris. yay for x degrees of separation.

Requirements

-some form of chivalry
-masculinity
-physically strong
-humorous
-sarcastic/witty
-emotionally available. Or how about just plain ol' available.

stalker

well not stalker, slightly stalkerish... see, this is what happens when i have too much time on my hands or have nothing to do. i end up googling, fb, and myspacing ppl on the internet... why? b/c i am nosey and have nothing better to do.

at least i've stepped back for a second to blog about the fact that maybe i've gone over the deep end...

An epic poem of sorts

Oh how tragedy has fallen
Upon my dark cloud
Be still my crushing heart
May tears stop flowing
May eyes stop prickling
Upon which I am bestowed
Oh mighty fortune
Of lady luck

I am sick. When I am sick, I play the tragic card b/c quite honestly, if u had liquid constantly leaking out of your eyes and nose, you'd feel quite like I do now.

Tragic. And terrible unattractive and troll-like.

Too much va-j-j

I'm at a comedy show right now and all 3 comedians are females. Go girl power, except it's one too many va-j-j jokes, I'm 2 seats over from the touchy feeling that I would never have, and I'm rapidly getting sick as I sit here... Well technically I'm sitting outside waiting until the good one is on.

3 weeks. I have 3 weeks to get over any internalized agony and to go back to being regular me where I am not longingly wishing that was me.

I don't know if it's the cold pill or wine or the combination of both, but I can't stop slide glancing and feel like it's my insides wrenching with envy.

I am in single land hell

My friend just got an apt (rent) with her bf, just hit the 1 year mark and they will be getting a kitten. Together.

Can I be rewarded for my single promiscuous behaviour with a new kitty, pls? And a cute bag to carry it in.

I hearts u

My dear friend, shirls who has my back in time of stupid boy distress mode.

Berry messenger is a wonderful msging interface @ times of self pity and distraught.

Torturing myself

Like little pangs in the heart as I watch her get to lean into him and kiss him sweetly on the lips, as I awkwardly turn my body away, continuing to wash dishes as that's the only thing I can do to distract myself.

I don't know why I torture myself this way, I need to find another thing to heart on.

Sadface :(

i think i found my new job

clown

need to get the hell out of town

b/c i have this many days left at work



and b/c work is total bullshit and runs on inefficiency.

Omg so you think you can dance...

The prima donna of figure skating, emmanual sandhu is on so you think you can dance.

And I think I just realized I am the only person around who is floored by this...

Sadface :(

Testing mobile blogging again

B/c I am a total loser and i find great entertainment in this.

Testing out mobile blogging

I hope this works so I can blog at will and document my internal struggles.

internally agonize

he - "well...what would you do if i proposed to her in 2 weeks..."

me - "take you out for a drink and congratulate you... and then internally agonize my pain, but all while still being your best bud, and never show you how internally agnoized i would be."

he - "would you be my best man?"

me - "i'd throw you the best bachelor party ever... "

he - "hah, isn't it sad the only person i can find for my best man is a 5'2 little chinese girl?... so what if it's not 2 weeks, what if it's in 2 yrs? what would you do?"

me - "i'd still be your best bud, take your out for a drink, but may internalize my agony a little less..."

someone's going to get hurt... and it's probably going to be me. but i can't stop.

drunk off my ass

while at work. why?
why not

also b/c i had another birthday lunch with yummy wine and chocolate lava cake. mhhhh lava cakeee... i'd drool but it would seem inappropriate at work... as inappropriate as being drunk at work... shhh must stay quiet at my seat lest ppl suspect...

4th screen

O M G i FINALLY looked up how to embed video in my blog and it was that freakin' simple?! EPITHANY!!

just got shiat on...

literally. i got pooped on by a bird.

"i heard it's good luck..." ya, b/c how else can one justify being shiat on other than it's "luck." i'm sorry, but do you know anybody who's had luck after being dumped with feces?!

i think it's punishment for me taking an extra hr during my lunch break to go shopping at aritzia.

you think you have problems?!

"...may create a mini-black hole that could tear the earth apart. "

it looks like we have bigger fish to fry...

replied back

i wrote back to my friend.

i can be a complete bitch and scathing, but i wasn't. i'm proud of myself, i held back and calmly explained that yes though i do accept your apologies, i am disappointed at your lack of total time management and disrespect. ... no. not in those words, but the idea of it... i hope i didn't burn a bridge. i seem to be good at those too.

web 2.0 whore

i am.

i am sitting here in underwear and a sports top, suppose to go shower as i just came back from tennis... it's been 2 hrs since i came back! what have i been doing? nothing but net, baby, nothing but net...

facebook has ruined me. and my hygiene.

bros before hos

apparently that is what my long time friend thought when she said she would go to my birthday dinner, yet never ended up going b/c she was in whistler with her bf for HIS birthday. gee that would've been nice to know, you wouldn't have made it or there would be a chance of you not coming, about a WEEK before the date NOT TWO HOURS before my actual dinner.

when i have to call your parents house, and you don't live at home anymore, to see if your still alive b/c you haven't returned my text, msgs, or phone call in a week, don't you feel some what irresponsible to friends?! or is it just me who thinks it's ridiculous to think my oldest friend would actually take the time to let me know she will come or leave whistler earlier.

is the sex that good with him that you can't tear yourself away and to be disrespectful to others?

note - i'm still debating whether or not i should be honest and say how i really feel or just sweep it under the carpet, as i usually do...

the big quarter of the century

no i didn't turn 25, i turned 24, but it might as well be the 'quarter of a century' old for me b/c really, am i going to live to 100? no. but i will live to 96! it's in the genes... good ol' grandma...

do i feel older? no. if anything i feel younger as time goes by. this seems to be the summer of experimentation of things i thought i would never do, but things others have done when they were in high school...

i feel like i'm going thru puberty. i hope my boobs get bigger and i get taller.

childhood memories and nostalgia

do you remember ice cream trucks? you know, those big boxy square vehicles that drives around your neighborhood, playing high pitch annoying, yet come hither, music that just screams, ice cream?

when's the last time you heard the sweet siren call of delicious, so bad for you, but who cares cause ur a kid, tune?

20 mins ago. i think i had a shock to the system when i heard the music and saw the truck. yet at the same time very sad b/c there were no kids around, so really it just looked like a sad white box playing out dated music that had no friends... :( sad face.

reach out

my lovely friend posted this on his desktop today. it's the feeling around the office...

birthdays blow

can't ppl just plan my birthday for me? b/c ppl are busy. rely only on thyself.

flying solo

It's monday on a finally beautiful day. I'm sitting in an empty theatre watching the sisterhood of the travelling pants 2. There are 7 females. I am the only non-pair.

What's better (or worse), watching a movie by myself or being the 3rd wheel of a couple?

EDIT: written on a monday at 4pm from mobile. NO PUBLISH BUTTON?!

addicted to WHAT?!

i'm sorry, but WHAT?! ur addicted to WHAT?! no words.

indian food buffet

already, the title of the blog post should scare you.

so i had my first taste of indian food EVER last night and it was buffet style!

let me paint you a picture. our table consisted of our plates of food (duh!) and 5 glasses of beverages. there were only 2 of us. 3 waters, 1 beer, 1 milk.

my FIRST time having indian food EVER. i don't do spicey.

which glass do you think got consumed first? um ya, milk. milk milk milk!! i think i only drank 1/10 of the pint of beer and probably half a jug of water before i realized i definitely had to order milk.

my stomach was yelling at me for betraying it's stomach lining with foreign spices.

i like to live on the edge. i will eat indian food again.

i heart bold

can i just say, i heart my blackberry bold?!

i've named it bold bob b/c quite frankly what is a better name than that?

... mhh maybe babaganoush retardo franklin james.... it's what i'm going to name my kid.

coming out of the woodwork

nothing like good bonding over an epic conert event, shared musical interests and a history of some 'fun' when reconnecting with someone after monthes of mutual silence.

today my day at work consisted of...

NOTE - please note the hello kitty holding the bear. i think that is quite an appropriate avatar...

embedding swf

OMG i learned how to embed flash today!!

GEEEKKK

counting down the days

i have left until i am unemployed.




courtesy of my dear friend, kg, thanks muffin!

11am drinking

when 176 people are told AT THE SAME TIME they are all on 'work-leave' and have 12 weeks to get their shit together.

i'm just thankful for the 12 weeks, benefits and vacation that still apply in that time period.

so some 11am drinking was much needed. it was too epic. we were spread out at malones and at the cambie hostel... yes i ended up at the cambie hostel drinking beer and i believe a shot of fireball was involved! ya.. ya.. would NOT have drank that had it not already been for the copious amounts of beer i drank.

oriental

i dunno why, but just using the word oriental or in the sentance "ya'll oriental?"

we were at a pub when a man comes up to our table and just stands there smiling. 30 seconds. dead silence and eyes furiously glancing around with WTF in our eyes. was he a customer that we didn't recognize?!

then he opens his mouth. some incomprehensible southern accent is warbled out. alabama. this man is from alabama, completely drunk off his knocker, and is in vancouver for a yr as an engineer working on the rav line. how do we know this?! well b/c my friends decided to have a conversation with this stranger.

question of the night, "so what are ya'll anyway?"

i'm human, what about you?

phrase of the night, "you can't be north american, cause i know see you're eyes are not the same as mine!"

WOW.... just WOW...

FYI. i did NOT punch him in the balls.

not the brighest cookie in the jar

um hello, but in canada the legal drinking age is 18! i like how they debate if they should make the drinking age in the states 18 when at 18 you can carry a firearm... gee i wonder why there are so many f'd up ppl in the states!!

at least in london they've got it right. knives... knives are the way to go. more viscious. i hope i don't turn into a knife stat while i'm there!

inconvenience

wtf, i had forgotten my password to my blog site, but i swear to gawd it was the password i've always been using... i think google's just trying to mess with my head. nonetheless, do not panic, i am here. though i did panic for about 30 seconds when i thought i could never blog again! god forbid.

it's been awhile...

hi, sorry i haven't posted, it's been awhile, plus a lot of stuff i would post about just isn't quite rated b (for blog) enough as i'm smart enough to realize this could potentially be read by future employers, lovers, ex-lovers, enemies, and oh yes frienemies... hah yet, i'm okay to rant about what a total loser i am...

needless to say, i'm fine. sorting thru life. looking forward to my euro trip.

will update with some fun in due time.

mad skillz

so i had lunch with my uber busy, super smart friend, shirls the other day.

shirls - "ya so i'm terrified, b/c i can't swim-"

me - "WHAT!?"

shirls - "i can't ride a bike either..."

my dear, did you not have a childhood?! kidding, kidding, i'm not knocking your parents parenting skills, just... what happens if you were thrown into water and then told to ride a bike afterwards?

some skills are just required in life...

from the boss

"Ps – I’m all for laughter but lets make sure we don’t disturb others working…just a notch or two down is all. :) "

no more laughter. ever.

sad face. forever.

smiles

so i tried smiling this morning rather than my usual deadpan morning face that i put on with my sunglasses... u know sometimes it's just less effort to crack that smile. Anyway, this morning I decided to put on a half-smile, at least so I didn’t look growly or pouty, when getting my starbucks, and lo and behold, cute guy, no edit, cute MAN, smiles BACK AT ME, in my head I’m like wtf, what you smiling at?!, but the guy keeps smiling at me

he: oh you must be on vacation to be smiling like that

me: no, no, not on vacation. Just really happy that’s warm and sunny outside

more smiles from the both of us J J

more chit chat

me internal: oh good god don’t look like a douche

he: you just made my day smiling like that!

oOOooo

incidentally, we reach the door together, he holds it open for me, WHO DOES THAT ANYMORE!? And we walk outside.

End of story.

Beginning of a great day.

Yes, all it takes are 2 mins of random smiling and chit chat to make myself feel better.

I think I’ll try this smiling bit more.

BE.TRAY.AL

that's right ms chu. that's right.

it goes in the blogger.

2 MONTHES?! i get why... but... but... and but...

literally, every one of my single, or so i thought single, girls are being de-singlized (i dun care if that's not a word, it is now!) by these BOYS. BOYS ARE TROUBLE, TROUBLE LIKE COPS.

I still believe, shirls, i still believe. as proven by the fact they've taken over my ladies.

pout.

random

is when the gf of a co-worker adds you on facebook when i've only spent about 30 mins total in her presence over a span of 4 visits to their apartment... um... stalker?

I. DON'T. EVEN. KNOW. YOU.

i've hung out with your bf though. is THAT what you're afraid of?!

needless to say i accepted her 'friend' request, but pretty much blocked everything else on my profile. what can i say, i'm just as curious now about her as she is of me?! plus what if she accuses me of facebook ignoring the next time i see her? awk.ward...

richmond 1. vancouver 0

"why do you live in richmond, what's so great about richmond?"

well how about the fact that it's sunny and nice out in richmond when it pours like shit running out of an ass in vancouver!! oh i'm sorry, posh and cool downtown looking gloomy?! well too bad you're not in the 'burbs of richmond where i can walk outside without melting into the puddles!

take that!

richmond 1. vancouver 0

silent hater

surprise, surprise, the 2 ppl at tennis class whom i've been totally, silently, hating on, actually asked for my contact to play post classes!

why had i been secretly hating on them? well it's really more the guy.
a) can't pick up enough tennis balls to save his life
b) doesn't understand how to use his racquet as a tool
c) a big old pansy and can't seem to pick up more than 2 balls at one time or more than 5 on a racquet
d) just cause i'm a hater

however, i guess my silently hating never showed it's true colors in class. i guess it pays not to shoot my mouth off or be a complete bitch at times. seems there are some perks to not being confrontational.

it's coming, it's coming!!

YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY JUBILATION!!!!!!!!!!

this is why i'm cool

i'm staying home on a saturday night so i can bunker down in my bed and watch step up 2. i've been feverishly waiting for this movie to come out on dvd so i can imagine myself as one of the hot young dancers from street, rising to the occasion to kick some posh, upper-class, white girl's bum.

hey now, where's the asian minority in this poster?!

shut it down hells kitchen style

4:04 pm on a Friday afternoon.

me:
fuck dude, PERSON knows i have a blog
SHUT > IT. DOWN....

friend:
how do you figure

me:
shut it down hells kitchen style
b/c he just asked me
he's like what's your blog you talking about

friend:
that is so funny

me:
or something like that
why is my laugh always so loud
b/c it's so FREAKIN" QUIET IN HEREEE!!

squid

i ate so much squid tonight i hope i don't turn into one.

or poop one out. speaking of poop... brb.

my bold my bold!

it's on hold and on the way!! *happy dance in my chair!!*
"scary... don't do that again... so scary" whispers my boss... :( i'm weird...

wine solves everything

for example. sitting next to the rebounder that you've been avoiding for many monthes at a wedding reception. i recommend white wine. less of a headache, goes down like water. takes the tension right out of the shoulders!

dash and dine...

i did not. instead i called some guy friends to come rescue me. i am in their debt forever. well for at least $10. callin on parents would've been too embarassing, of course. you would think i would know by now to expect cash only from little taiwanese noodle houses...

dress is all you need

dear shirls,

that dress is so you.
buy it so you can play in it. you don't need a man. you have the dress.

love, lam

couldn't help but stare

at what the guy was watching, next to me on the bus this morning. he had one of those portable dvd players and i've seen this guy before, a regular on the bus. i never knew what he was watching, but this morning i happen to be next to him. i glanced over and if you paid me 10 million dollars, i couldn't even begin to tell you what the movie or heck, tv show was about.

let me describe to you what i saw:
people in medieval clothing
sorcerers/magic like things happening

the best part, close captioning was on and immediately, i could tell the dialogue was lousy. but what would you say if i quoted you a line?

"give me back my bag of magical equipment!" says old man in old frock that appears to be from medieval time.

ya... ya i thought so. it's like a car wreck. you don't want to stare, but it's so awful, you can't help but keep staring, hoping your eyes have not betrayed you.

dragonfly killer

tonight, playing tennis, i inadvertently killed a dragonfly tonight. well not inadvertently, i totally killed it, but it was an accident! i swear...

sequence of events:
-ball toss into the air
-right arm is back, left arm is up
-right arm, holding racquet, and body twists forward
-smashes ball
-ball smashes dragonfly that flew by at the exact same height as where the ball was hit in the air
-ball lands on the other side of the net, on the inside corner of the service box. an ace!
-dragonfly falls smack down onto the ground with a 'snap' sound, not to mistaken the snap of the ball hitting the racquet
-helen utterly traumatized by sequence of events

total time of sequence of events: 2 seconds

it was horrible, i couldn't continue playing on my side with the dead insect. it was too traumatizing. i had to switch sides before play could continue.

on the bright side, at least i didn't kill a bird.

ps

post script:

btw (wait... do i really need btw if i wrote ps??) i think hp probably smelled the sweet liquor radiating from my body when i hugged her under the bright, balmy sun which was a factor in my wine-oh headache later on that afternoon.
i'm telling you, this work is turning me into a lush. or a drunk.

good luck at e3! do you need me to print screen any hits, for old times sake?! cause i will... and don't let perverted, braces-wearing, pale skin geeks touch you. hugs

asian drug dealer

without a doubt.
and don't forget the last option
4. a souvenir from the richmond night market... which really i guess is quite the same as option 3.

heartfelt appreciation

dear shirls,

you have no idea how much your blog call out means to me. no joke. and the fact that you guys really miss me at the ol' office, i think, no wait not think, i know, just made my entire non-existent social life feel uplifted and less suicidal. I MISS YOU ALL SOOO MUCH. i didn't realize how weird i really was entire i started the new job and all my weird-ass quirks seemed so much more obvious and... strange as i saw the wtf looks in other people's face when they saw me. shirls, i want to come back. i want to come back to the land of where i was mothered, but pushed in a good way, by hp, and where i could be weird and accepted at the same time. i miss screaming like a banshee on the old soccer field playing football, i miss pretending i care about video games with you, i miss. you. all.
:(

roomate

what's your definition of a roomate?
ANYBODY who lives with you?
someone who lives at the same place in a separate bedroom?
how about someone who shares your bedroom and is your significant other, you know you can still refer to them as your roommate.

or how about, when asked all the subtle hints of whether or not you have a gf, aka, "so you have a roomate" "you live here with a roomate" " your roomate made that for you" all those little subtle 'do you have a gf' questions could've been answered with "no, my gf made it" "no my gf lives with me" "no i own this place with my gf" could've been used! instead of the flat out "no."

awkward - when you go up to someone's apartment, believing there is no roomate, and then having him say "anybody ... home...?" and out pops a girl... AWK.W.ARD...

what do you say?

"hi, i have to use your bathroom" and scamper off.

please post

dear shirls,

i miss ur lovely posts. please do more. i most especially like the edited video of seattle. please let me live vacariously thru your video game trip adventures via blog.

heart, hlam

inebriated

i dunno if i spelt that right. but i had 2 glasses of delicious white wine at lunch and i feel like i can fall over and take a nap. everything feels a little numb... and slightly blurry. must.nap. now...

unethical to be buzzed at work? yes i agree. do i care? not really.

an exciting saturday night

original (exciting) plans: going out clubbing

change of plans: partying cancelled, i watched the jonas brothers live on much music, and inadvertently killed a spider when trapping it in a jar to get it outside

i'm a ball of fun. no wonder i have so many friends.

i'm weird

i like to shake my hips when i'm wearing a dress b/c i like the feel of the fabric shaking around me... this often happens at work where people stare at me with a wtf look in their face

sometimes i wrap my ear buds around my head so that the buds are on the top of my head. why? i dunno... but people can see me do this at work

sometimes i like to just break out into the running man. the carpet at work has good traction for this.

i'm starting to think people at work think i'm super weird, except... i know that. i know that i am weird, i am quirky, hell it takes a while for someone to understand me weird is really just my natural, effervescence personality, but until then, how do i act 'normal' so that i can slowly transition that to my weird-normal state?

i don't think i used effervescence correctly, but it sounded like it would make sense.

we are animals

judging by the state of my work's kitchen sink, we live and eat like neanderthals.

there is a guy who comes in every morning just to clear out the washing machine and to put our disgusting dishes in. he doesn't even work for the company. i'm starting to think all he does is clean up our shit. today, i had a good look at him, trying to see the judgement and disgust in his eyes as he sorts out the dirty dishes, except i see none of that, which somehow makes it even worse and evident that we're nothing but pigs. however, i did observe that he was sporting a lovely louis vuitton messenger bag. yes, i DO notice the material things in life.

hella expensive

i just spent $20 on 13 litres of gas. i don't even know if that'll get me 100km!

i'm sitting at blenz again. it's less busy than the last time. the tiramisu kind of tastes like crap. my tea is so hot i think the steam from the sip hole gave me 1st degree burn on my top upper lip. hawt. i'm googling romance books so i can find a good one to get at the chapters that is across the street before they close.

i feel fat

point blank.

no i'm not being a silly female, but i just feel fat. you know when you're feeling a little bit heavy around certain areas? well i feel heavy and if i relax my stomach it looks like i'm pregnant. what. the. hell. is wrong with my body?!

cankles

cankles: when there is no definition b/w calf and ankles.

this heat is making me swell up like a balloon. i feel absolutely fat. my toes look like little piggies, my ankles look like they belong to a 60 yr old women with osteoporosis, and my belly looks like it did before i got fit and toned :(

i cherish the cool temperature and rain. please come back so i can return to my younger more rejuvenated self.

nostalgic angst

i feel absolutely gutted when i see other people's photos of their trips to italy. it's like remembering a past away loved one, except not b/c italy's a place not a person and italy will always be there... but still, it's just so far away, that using the dead loved one as a metaphor seems quite fitting.

the perfect ceaser

took 20 mins to make yesterday.

what took so long?

finding the right side to use on 2 different graters
grating the horseradish
debating about the best way on squeezing a lime
squeezing limes
finding a place to put the vodka after it was poured into the glass before it was rimmed
looking for the rimming equipment
figuring out how to open a tightly sealed can of pickeled asparagus
a debate on what type of glass to use. tall vs short. (tall was used, but short won due to height of asparagus)
using 2 different digital cameras to try to capture this perfect, finalized moment of the perfect ceasar

really?

like .. really?

dynamic tower

"...who has never built a sky-scraper before..."

final thoughts

so sitting here, blogging, and browsing the net, didn't make me feel as much of a loser as i thought it would. i think i've entertained myself enough to compensate for at least half a day's waste of doing nothing.

i am tired. helen has to sleep. ciao

match maker

seeing as how difficult it is to seek quality guys, i've already seeked out a quality girl, based purely on the superficial. as you all know, i like the judge a book by it's cover (this all said with a wry, witty voice).

qualities of girl to my right: she has a powerbook, from unintentionally overhearing her conversation, she is a graphic designer who works in a magnificent studio loft in east van. she has a blog (ya okay, so i peeked over, can't help it if she's 6 inches away). she's wearing what appears to be a mackage jacket, very cute outfit, she doesn't look like those annoying asian girls i can't stand (and no i don't mean myself). she said to her friend on the phone she does not date friends' exes. QUALITYYYYY

future quality guy in vancouver, please see potential in her.

perhaps i'll moonlight as a match maker, my office can be at blenz, i'll be a poser acting as a student, but really i'll be secretly seeking out quality people and blog about their quality superficial elements.

quality

quality girl seeking quality guy.

b/c of current drama, i have come to the point where i'm starting to think that i am not attracting quality guys. why are all the bad quality, (inequality?) guys coming out of the woodwork at the same time? i only have 2 hands, i can only juggle .5 of a bad quality guy.

am i a bad quality girl therefore i'm attracting bad quality guys? is this how it works? i give off some vibe that says hey all douchebags, losers, nothing to offer me guys, seek me out b/c i'm desperate?!

should i hold up a sign, as i walk around, quality girl seeking only quality guys?

studente

i don't understand how anybody gets any work done in this coffee shop. i'm not dissing blenz, it's awesome if you are a bored little girl with no friends around and want to sit somewhere in public to blog rather than vegetate home, BUT, SERIOUSLY, it's so loud in here, i don't believe that a single person with a book open looking as though they are studying for school is seriously studying.

if i combined all students that are 'studying' i wonder what their, at the moment, GTA would be.

probably higher than what mine ever was!

an ode to a douchebag

dear douchebag,

please stop calling, please stop texting, please please please stop facebook poking me. what part of me ignoring all points of contact do you not understand? you were a mistake, a god awful mistake of my pass that i want to erase from my mind.

why... have you been thinking about me a lot lately? why... would you love it if i gave you a shout some time?

want to know why i want nothing to do with you? despite your superficial awesome good looks, and on the surface caring demeanor, inside you are nothing, but an egotistical, small, desperate boy constantly seeking attention from willing, affection seeking girls. i am not that girl anymore.

please stop contacting me.

anticipation

in anticipation for my european adventure, i'm hoping one leg of the trip will become a before sunrise moment, and seeing as how i'm heading into vienna, where the plot took place in, with a friend of potential attraction, outlook is looking quite good.

i secretly gleam with anticipation.

no manners

what would you say if someone all of a sudden reached down between your chair and someone else's, at eye level with your toes, to unplug a power plug? um... how about a little 'excuse me' instead of trying to keep wrenching at it and making me feel as though my personal space around my feet were being invaded. mhhh? is that a little difficult?

diagrams

i'm sitting, bar style, facing the window, i turn in my chair to stretch and lo and behold, over my left shoulder, a girl, who presumably is studying biology of sorts, was looking a a biological diagram of a penis. lovely. that shape seems to be recognizable no matter how broken down it's form is.

EDIT: 20 mins later... i just turned around and glanced that the girl is wearing a little miss curious t-shirt... HAH yes yes i am immature, but i thought it was ironic. oh boo hoo u, she looked like a nice girl, i'm not knocking that!

seo power

did you know, if you typed in imdb.com in google search, the SECOND link is the link to the IRONMAN movie page on imdb.com?! talk about the power of SEO.

HAH, the guy beside me is coding on a mac. oh java... how i do not miss thee

bouna sera

i am bored. bored. bored. bored out of my mind. much to my dismay, but not surprise, ALL my friends who i can easily call upon to hang out with, are currently unavailable to entertain the likes of me.

i am bored. it is a gorgeous day, scratch that, it WAS a gorgeous day, turning into a great evening as i approach 10pm.

so instead of mulling on my ass in front of my computer at home, i'm mulling on my ass, drinking hot chocolate, in front of my computer at the 24/7 blenz... and obviously, blogging.

the original plan was to mull on my butt with no computer at chapters. to creep upon the romance section, to see what dirty, but tasteful girl porn i can dig out, and then maybe fantasize about some european adventures in the travel section. instead, i get there, and it's closed. boourns indeed.

i don't know if it's the weather that's making us all so restless, but even my dad was throwing a small hissy fit at home and threatened to go watch a movie by himself. my mind, turned to mush from a day of doing nothing, was slow to respond. luckily, my mum realized he was serious and went with him. so by then, i'm still lying there in my pjs and in my robe, watching repeats of so you think you can dance, i realized i needed to get the hell out of the house so i don't turn into a bonafide couch potato.

hence, therefore, henceFORTH (ah HAH) i am now a bonafide student poser at blenz with my laptop.

more to come in due time.

lonely girl seeking company

boy, is it ever hard to be a single girl with not many friends in a beautiful city on a gorgeous day.

i don't have any more tennis for 2 weeks. i feel like my world is going to drop out and swollow me whole. it might as well, at least i would have some company, albeit questionable company, while i wait until july.

let's take stock of what available girlfriends i have to call on.

1 - bf, family, bf bf bf
2 - bf, works weekends, bf bf bf, never calls anymore
3 - bf, works weekends, family
4 - family, family, obligated to spend time with family on weekends
5 - bf, not in the country

accordinging to my list, maybe if i was someone's bf i might have a life!

damn u sun, making me feel obligated to enjoy your warmth on some patio! bring on the rain so i can hibernate in bed with a good book without feeling the guilt.

flamenco good

is it just or me or does anybody else think that the male flamenco dancer on, my favourite show, so you think you can dance elimination episode was like a wiggly/jiggly/vibrating piece of sexiness on 2 legs? i couldn't tear my eyes away from those pecs...

and yes it IS 1am and i DO have a problem with sleeping!!

germs

damn u allergies. i just sneezed. sneezed big. bodily fluid came out and i just touched the mouse.

i hope i just made you think twice before touching a mouse on a public computer.

dangerous liaisons

i feel like the 'virgin' in my team as they remind me of the characters from dangerous liaisons, except instead of 2 people, it's a group of 4. and in their sick little way, the stuff they do, they stuff they say, is okay amongst their little band of 4, but amongst 'regular' people with morals, beliefs, and quite frankly with a self-respect for their own body, they would be consider pagans.

i work with a bunch if pagans. god help my soul and body not become so corrupted i become one of these immorally insane people. (except, i don't believe in god, but you get the idea)

and i thought i was a dirty little lush, apparently i have nothing on team 'dangerous liaisons'

EXCITED!!!!!!

even more excited for my trip as my friend is excited to have me in austria. we're not just buming around linz, we'll be going to vienna as well YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

boring blog post, but i'm just so excited that bouncing in my chair at work doesn't seem to do it justice. the internet universe must know as well.

"tu sei molto carino"

nothing like a good ol' 10 mins of flirting with an italian ex-coworker to make a gal feel special again.

ahh... facebook chat, how handy you've become. grazie! hehe *blush & giggles*

seriously?

backstreet boys are coming to town on sept 4.

seriously?!

i had to quadruple read my pre-sale email to remember who the backstreet boys even were! oh sigh... 2000... the year of boy bands.

sex

i finally watched the sex and the city movie today.

i feel as though my life as been fulfilled...

except for the part where i haven't lived thru my 30's where i'm suppose to be scandalously debauched by gorgeous men... well i guess that's what the tv series is for. my fantasy.

no drama

well friday the 13th passed without drama. though i'm not sure if drinking at 3pm at work would count as getting into trouble (i was influenced into it!)... sigh... i really need to know when to stop drinking around the ppl i work with. i know, it's not ME to be such a lush, but when else do i get to act like a silly 20 something yr old?

gasp

tomorrow is friday the 13th. i hope i can stay out of trouble.

not so gutted

okay, so to counteract tonight's lost of my secret other half, i do have happy news to report.

I BOOK MY FLIGHT!!!

euro bound i am. i'm so excited, i could hardly contain myself at work, bouncing in my chair, more so than usual!

gutted

absolutely gutted.

i just found out that my regular mon, wed and sun night tennis lessons are on summer vacation until september.

i feel like i'm losing a part of me... well technically, i am, my serbian tennis alter ego, jelena.

is it also so bad to be freaking out so much b/c i've associated all my tennis playing with my recent weight lost and new body tone? and b/c now i'm losing my regular tennis play i'm scared to death i'm going to get 'fat'? ...

not that i had ever considered myself obese... but there was definitely a timewhen i thought i could do with a little less packaging...

sometimes i scare myself with how my mind attaches the idea that if i ever stop playing so much tennis i'll turn into the blob that i felt myself becoming, which means i can't ever stop playing, it's okay, i love tennis so much, but now there's this other mental reason of why i play. it's not healthy to think that way, but for some explicable reason i can't stop it.

well, i guess it's not like there's no tennis to be played, i did sign up for a tuesday thursday 630-830, but it just won't be the same! it's not with the same teacher, same time, and i'm playing 3 hrs less than i usually play in a week... not even the same language! i can't... lose myself the way i did, i'm just going to stay the same ol' boring weird me.

simply breath taking

the rip

insane in the membrane

my cousin is about to have her 5th child, 4th biologically.

FIFTH CHILD!!!

she's about 29?! or YOUNGER?!

FIIIFFTHHH CHILDDDDDD!! she already has 3 boys and 1 girl, though the girl looks like a little hello kitty, so that's okay.

i guess it's more like insane in the membrane down south... gawd i wonder if that thing will ever close itself back up! yikes!

EDIT - i'm not judging, just saying... that's insane, good for her, b/c she really IS an awesome, loving person. i just could NEVER do what she is about to do... pop another species out of her womb.

post match dinner

(well more like post tennis lesson dinner, but i always end the lesson with a game)

a bowl of choy and a bowl of already peeled oranges.

...

yes, literally a bowl of chinese green stuff, and another bowl of orange yummm, it's like sunshine in a bowl, except i guess the other bowl would be considered grass... :(

the best part, is it's already laid out for me on the counter when i get home! i just have to shovel it into my mouth... i guess this is another piece of evidence of why i'm spoiled.

yacht watches

mike -
"there are some nicer ones in the recent GQ
the yacht watches!
if i bought a yacht watch i'd even hit on myself!
"sooooo, mike....what's up? you're looking good today"
yes, i just described myself hitting on myself"

HAH excellent. i didn't even have to do anything to get that line.

good bye

my dear friend. i'll see you in 3 monthes.

as my friend leaves for 3 monthes, i predict that my summer may end up with more boy drama than what i've already accumulated. she's my 'mother-goose' who reams me out when i get into stupid crap with the opposite sex. so for the next 3 monthes, i will not have the constant scolding to stay away from booze and boys. it should be a pretty interesting summer...

pick up

no balls:
as a guy, i expect you to pick up your balls and to just grab me to dance. not make nice convo (which was nice), and then hover and stare with an air of expectations... talk about awkward...

more awkward, having your friends take papparazzi like photos of the fact that you're talking to a girl... did i mention this guy was from the states and up to vancouver for the weekend? perhaps that would explain his outwardly gawky like motions... but it doesn't explain the fact that he's wearing a sweater vest over a white t-shirt. NOT a sartorialist moment.

with balls:
guy with some balls at least asked me to dance instead of bopping nervously around my group. now that's how to not be awkward... if only i can remember what all you looked like last night...

with balls and unique pick up line:
"i really like your glasses" well now isn't that a nice and fine intro line as i've always felt awkward and loser-like with my glasses in a club. nothing like a little bit of sweat and heat to steam up my glasses and make them slip down my nose every 2 seconds. to have someone actually comment on my frames was a novelty. too bad you looked sleazy and i was done having my dirty dancing moments and was about to leave.

faulkner

final: 6-1. 6-3. 6-0.

"a gentleman can live through anything"

never a loser

okay, so you both didn't win your matches, but it doesn't mean i stop hearting you both.

please do well at wimbledon. my hero dreams and wishes rely on your success.

on another unrelated note, i had an awesome practice session tonight, but was scolded that though i look cute in my outfit, it is not complete until i get tennis shoes :( if only they weren't so ugly.

heartache

nothing like looking at jayme's flickr pics of his jaunt to italia to make my heart ache with envy and memories.


pitigliano
(photo: Jayme Cochrane)


saturnia
(photo: Jayme Cochrane)

please win

roland garros





i <3 u forever

rant rant rant

i do seem to be on quite a roll tonight, don't i?!

and on another note, friends who don't bother calling or texting back deserve scathing facebook msgs about what a crap person they are. except i don't have the balls to go executing on that direct msg, instead i stuck with sarcasm and emoticon smileys to take the edge off. hopefully the msg still comes across: you use to be my friend, now ur a stranger, wtf happen, why are you such a lameass and how did we ever lose in touch?

if i could tell you exactly how i feel about you without any consequence it would be to say, what the hell happened to you to become a goal-less, uneducated, no direction in life 'bum' but not really a bum b/c u ARE a workaholic. maybe i'm just being a judgemental ass for thinking you can achieve so much more with your life than some dead end job...

wouldn't the world be in a better place if we could just say what we actually want to say only b/c we mean well? now isn't that a devil's advocate question b/c i'm sure you're saying well what if you meaning well isn't really for the right intentions?! sigh... freudian debate, of which i must stop b/c i should sleep.

night

friends who judge

but who also mean well can sometimes grate on my nerves.

quite frankly, if you can't relate to a story i'm telling you, you don't have to act all judgemnetally (ya i know that is not a real word) on me and tell me to perhaps find a friend who might 'be in the same space' as me to find some common ground.

how about just being a friend and listening and TRYING to relate? OBVIOUSLY we're all different people who grow, learn, make mistakes, and move on. we're all human! how about that for some common ground?!

home is where the heart is

and IMO, the ppl who boo me for still living at home when i'm 23 can screw.off.

i'm sorry if your parents don't love you enough to care whether you still live at home or not, or could careless either way.

i'm sorry you're paying 1000/month rent for a shit hole in "downtown" really gastown really bum hole land just so you can say you have a place of your own.

i'm sorry you don't have a place where you can truely call it your home.

can you tell my 'sorries' are sarcastic?!

and this isn't directed at anybody in particular, b/c i know ppl who do live on their own and i don't care if they do or not. this is just for the future joeschmos i might meet and make fun of me for still living at home.

you know i'm spoiled

not b/c i'm the youngest "baby" of the family

not b/c i still live at home (imo that is not spoiled, but i'll save this for another blog post)

not b/c my dad pays for my phone bill

not b/c i have my own car

but b/c every morning my mum wakes up early and packs me yummy oatmeal and fruit for me to take to work to eat for my breakfast... sigh priceless!

unicorns are pretty

mike - "btw, LOL at andrea this morning, "YOU TOLD ME MY SCARF LOOKED NICE! WHAT THE HELL, MIKE?!" "

hlam - "haha, WOW, someone's jealous for your praise"

mike - "my praise is like like unicorn tears: some say it only exists in fantasy, but they're indeed real and a cherished commodity"

brilliant!

a new year

well, it's a start of a new half year and as such, i really hope this first half does not have as much drama as it did in the start of 08. seriously, like family health, long term relationship break up, work shakeup and unstability, and just being really sick more often than i'd like has not been ideal.

it has not been a good start of 08, but i really feel like well i've grown up (notice i don't really say mature b/c i doubt that'll ever change), but i've grown up and have toughened my teflon shell (throw back to my HP days).

teflon shell check beginning of 2008: 3 millimeters thick

teflon shell check half way through 2008: 3 inches thick!!

i've also decided that boys are nothing but trouble, trouble like COPS! (thanks shirls, honestly, i should really get that tattooed to my forehead) especially the ones who know how to cause it and are happy to use you just b/c they can. in fact, i'm going to keep you boys at arms length, i don't have time to worry myself over any girly emotional crap that are associated with you! when a good one wants to come knocking, you know how to come get me!

what's worse?

blacking out with friends or blacking out with coworkers?

as proven last night blacking out with coworkers is definitely dangerous, scary, and i can't think of another adjective, but you get what i mean. especially coworkers who can out drink any other group of friends i've ever drank with therefore putting myself in a bad situation.

running out of a forest clearing yelling and screaming someone please help me, help me, and feeling the sheer helpless panic of holy god where the fuck am i, is not something i'd like to remember as a good time.

having my memory blackout as much as it did and feeling more scared and panicky after only having 5 beers in 5 hrs makes me wonder if beer was all that i was drinking or if someone spiked my drink.

one thing to watch out for: when someone, with potential shady, douchebag quality, asks if you want to go the bathroom and you don't remember if you were even lead to the bathroom or what the hell even happened, that someone should be avoided at all future work socials.

two things to be thankful for: a trustworthy coworker who will make sure i get home okay, and the most dependable & awesome guy who will come rescue me no matter what or where.

lessons learned: even at a softball game never to redrink my drink after i set it down, always drink water with alcohol, don't go off with shady characters who only have one perverted thing in mind, and i rock at softball.

freaky

so there's another helen lam with the exact same birth date as me, though a year younger, on facebook, wanting to add me as her friend. she's friends with someone already on my list. this is completely freaky/coincidence and/or this girl changed her birth date to be the same as mine just so she can take over my life (i'm kidding... not really)... and she wants to add me to her friends list?! wtf... get away from me scary girl!

when reality hits you in the face

when the gf shows up after all this time of ignoring the fact that she can't possibly exist.

RIP

Sydney Pollack

observations from a canadian

after my recent little jaunt into good ol' U S of A, i've observed the following:

1) pinkberry or just frozen yogart itself has every right to be glorified
2) in&out still kicks ass. animal style cheeseburger didn't wow me as much as the animal fries.
3) there are a LOT of fat, and not just haha fat, but omg how are you not having a heart attack right now fat, americans walking around... i wonder if it has to do with their diet consisting of point 1 & 2
4) disneyland is still the happiest place on earth
5) mickey needs to come out of his high and mighty enclosed protected house and join the rest of his cast mates under the hot sun and attacking children
6) my bum seems to be at the perfect height to be molsted, for all those brats at the park as they run around on a sun-fill, sugar high
7) i heart churros

disorder

what's wrong with me that i can't just go to bed and sleep?!

EVERY single morning i always wake up regretting how late i've slept the night before and vow to sleep before midnight the next day...

io ho retardo

trouble of another sort

i shall be visiting H&M tomorrow... wish me luck i do not get lost in debt

trouble

dear shirls,

boys ARE nothing but trouble! trouble like cops! i agree with you now... the ugly betty season finale also confirmed this fact!

love, helen.

did you miss me?

it's been awhile since i last posted, been away in california visiting my sister, mickey mouse, the outlet mall, and pinkberry.

will post details later, just waited to say hi...

"HI!"

i'm already feeling pinkberry and in&out deprived...

ya sam gledna

(phonetic spelling (but incorrect spelling) of 'i am hungry' in serbian)

YEA jelena jankovic wins roma!




roland garros, here we come!

je suis triste

au revoir justine, you have been greatly admired and have changed the face of women's tennis forever.

date with mickey

I'll see YOU on Saturday!

druggie

my latest med, new cough syrup has a fat, giant 'addiction' sticker on it. apparently this drug has the greatest potential to make me addicted to it and if i stop using it after being addicted, i'll go through a withdrawal...

gta LOVE western medicine...

nickname summary

so far i've been called...

lammer
lammy
baby girl lamb
goat
hlam
mutton
rack of lamb
jelena

and today.... drumroll....

lamb chops.

i have a feeling the lamb chops is staying...

the debauchery of helen lam

last night we had a 'team building event' that really just consisted of a fancy dinner with a LOT of alcohol... apparently i had passed initiation as i didn't pass out in the lounge.

last night was an educational night. i've learned:

1) i can get my drink on with my team without losing face
2) i can 'keep up' with my team
3) when proposition to go to the bathroom for potential sexy time... you go...
4) i can do a tequila shot in 2 tries, yay i went from 4 to 2!
5) drink equal amounts of water while drinking alcohol
6) triple fisting it is so much more fun than double
7) to act not as hung over, the next day, as i really feel while everybody else looks so much more worse for wear earns bonus points and respect
8) i physically cannot do shots as i have an unusually, maybe alarmingly, small airway <-- that I found out the next morning at the doctor's office, but it made me happy to justify my incapability of throwing back one
9) new nicknames: mutton, rack of lamb
10) a new pick up line, "i want me a rack of lamb!"

go team!

asian flashbacks

dear shirley,

thank you for your asian singer postings, of late. it has reminded me of my inner honger!

i totally forgot about utada hikaru!! nice gem, nice gem!!

ciao, helen

gutttteeddd

oh ouch, cute, young tennis assistant has a gffffffff. oh well, apparently he has 3, and the tennis flings don't count towards it. SCORE! or should i say WINNER!

btw it's been awhile since my last posting of my lovah!

serb me out

i'm slowly immersing myself more into my alter-ego of jelena jankovic, (i hope the real jelena jankovic doesn't read this blog and think i am completely physco... though she wouldn't be too far off the mark), as i learn more serbian at each class.

actually, it reminds me of a cross b/w italian and russian. so, i guess, really that means a cross b/w a latin dialect and the 'other' kind... haha

koopa troopa

there's a guy in my 730 class who looks like koopa troopa from mario kart. except instead of spitting wild green shells at me, he's serving wickedly fast, but out of control tennis balls that go every which way.

watch out, lest be hit by a fuzzy green ball.

gossip girl

WTF?!?!

i'm caught up to the latest episode.

INSANE in the membrane...

mac ad

not posting this for the awesomeness of mac, but for the awesomeness of the CHAIRS they're all sitting in!!

oh starck for kartell chair, how i lust for thee!

je suis un euro-wannabe

i'd like to be just as euro chic, please.

FABULOUS spring option.

check out the pocket in her scarf!!!

(from the sartorialist)

s.m.r.t.

yay, i actually got to use my brain at work! instead of being a retardo monkey working without thought, i actually got to THINK and handle a bunch of different projects!

all hail new job role! maybe i'll actually be able to salvage any dead brain cells... or maybe not...

(suppose to be a sarcastic thumbs up, but i have no pic of me thumbs up, so please use this peace sign in place for it... not quite the same effect, eh)

amy winehouse

i think she would actually SCARE the bums of east vancouver.

more bananas

to cap off my banana flavored amoxillicin post, does anybody remember bananas in pajamas?!

oh, grade 7... how i so do not long for thee...

a. idol

i don't understand the hype for this david archuletta guy, have you SEEN his before singing video? the kid's 12 years old! (17) well he sure looks like it.

then he sang...then doves flew over the rainbow and the heavens opened up... i understand his greatness now...

i'm just opposed to his public image and obvious gawky teen image. drop a pair of balls, would ya?!

it's better...

hi shirls,

it's better. you brought some sexy, back into my life. thank you.

bananas

you know what else is cool like bums being pricked with needles?!

BANANA FLAVORED AMOXICILLIN!!

oOOOo i know, folks! they said it couldn't be done, but i'm DRINKING IT, 2 wonderful teaspoons, 3x a day, for 5 days!

YAY (<--sarcasm)

my bum feels like a pin coushion

yours would too if it got injected 4 times with penencillin!!

my throat closed up, i couldn't swollow, couldn't talk, so the doctor had to give me injections of penencillin so antibiotics would have a chance of working... AND he made me go get my bloodwork done...

i'm PETRIFIED of needles!

have you ever had penencillin? it's like... like this really, really strong feeling... i felt so high when I was at the clinic to get my blood taken, this was just after the doc's office and the penencillin injections, that when i was sitting there waiting, my armed stretched out, the nurse searching for a vein (btw TOTALLY freaky... hi, i'm here to search for your vein to suck some blood out!), totally scared out of my mind, i almost passed out. seriously. i saw stars and was fading in and out.

okay... so i have to say it didn't hurt THAT bad, but still, that's a lot of needles in one day. i don't think i'm cured of my fear of needles, but at least the ones in the butt don't hurt as much as the ones in the arm...

it was a black friday.

and yay i get to go back to the doc's office in 4o mins for another round of injections!

my bum hurts.

mal

i think i'm getting sick :( my throat is closing quicker and quicker... poo

h.u.n.g. o.verrrr

spent all day in bed. completely hung over. advil, tyonel, hot water, and my bears are my best friends. even by 730pm i was still a bit queasy, but i sucked it up and went to tennis.

now IIII feel like the tennis ball that's been hit around!

patrolling

last night was a LOT of fun, went to fabric, formally sonar, with shiu and a bunch of his friends... his GUY friends. that's right, it was me with 4 other boys in tow! it felt like we were patrolling for sexy time... except really it was just me following shiu around and getting absolutely hammered.

i remember bits and pieces...

there was a cage... i danced IN the cage... did i dance sexy in the cage, now that's a whole 'nother story.

i danced, danced dirty, danced regular, i think i only danced with shiu. his guy friends don't weren't forward enough to just dance with me. their lost!

from... nearing the end of the night at fabric to ending up lying in the backseat of shiu's car is a bit hazy... and i think i got home at 5am?! most of it was spent lying in the backseat at shiu's place while i tried to get it together.

happy days. i want more.

up close and personal

hehe i got the inside giggles, at my private lesson, when the teaching assistant assisted me with the slice shot from behind... hehe