A meaningful end to 2008

Finally, some closure...

...

**: you are great the way you are now, so stop thinking anything else

Lambchop.: That means a lot to me, thank you
Lambchop.: You know I value your opinion a lot
Lambchop.: Cause you tell it to me straight
Lambchop.: No sugar coating

**: why is there a need to? you're pretty dam amazing, for a shorty

Lambchop.: B/c you've been thru a lot with me for the past 6 months and thru it u've been thru the change...whether u like it or not ur an important person in my life. So ur opinion matters to me
Lambchop.: I take it seriously
Lambchop.: To heart

**: haha, dont be so reserved about it. of course i like it and you
**: you sound so business

Lambchop.: I'm not!!
Lambchop.: I'm just... Emphasizing the imprtance you have in my life

**: good, you are to me too, so shut the hell up and enjoy the ride!

...

After all this time, angst, and internal agonizing, I actually believe and realize the importance I play in his life, that I wasn't just being used as a distraction from reality. I can't believe it was actually vocalized. Is it so weird I've saved the entire conversation and reread it so I know I wasn't imagining it?!

Freak out

Having sex, having sexxxxxx!! That's why there is no answer or reply. I just have to...get over the fact that it's just not in my favor these days.

New year's resolution. Stop being so tormented. And to get a life.

Holiday blues

Feeling slightly abandoned and trapped at home.

Abandoned, b/c my friends haven't called me to go out and trapped b/c unless you have snow tires, have a 4x4, and not afraid to shovel snow, it's quite a trek to get in and out of my neighborhood.

I understand that ppl have their own set of friends and lives to lead that may not necessarily involve me, but I thought I was included in someone's life, enough for them to call on me, rather than me desperately seeking company.

I guess I've come to the realization that I need to find something for myself, aside from friends and going out, to make me feel satisfied and content.

Oh right, it's tennis, and there are no classes until Jan 5th.

Bah humbug.

Reasons for not smsing me back. Having hot, lusty sex. Fuck...

Like a baby

I cried and freaked out over my paper cut at work.
Hey! It was a 20 page paper cut! Lethal stuff that is... :(

Hair assurance

"For me, my hair is my confidence. I have to have good styled hair to feel confident"

Oh good god. I'm in the backroom with a co-worker who just said that. A male co-worker...

More than buzzed

Sooooo more than buzzed. Don't let fb tell you otherwise. Shopping while drunk is kind of interesting in a drunken way... Just want to fall over, but instead I'm doing my boxing day shipping on the 23rd.

Douchebag @ starbucks

Nothing like a total douchebag, who thinks he's so awesome and cool, scratch that, he's an annoying douchebag, to make me roll my eyes at... If I had my way, I'd punch him in the balls, but I doubt he has any.

Even fancy underwear can't compensate for how I feel.

fat?

When someone tells you, you need to work on your fitness, are they calling you fat or slovenly?

My tennis has come leaps and bound. My 'fitness' is TBD.

Awkward

You know what's awkward? Pointedly asking my director if he got his sweater from banana republic and me sayin' "I liikeee it!" in a slightly creepy voice.

I sure know how to win them over...

sheos are the new grenades

i'm quite impressed with his cat-like reflexes. maybe that's what he'll be known for at the end of his term!

Retardo

When ppl ask me rhetorical questions that they already know the answer to or that the answer is super obvious

M-what r u wearing tmr?

Me-a dress, b/c I dun have dress pants

M-i was thinking that...we are dressing up?will it be frickin cold? supposed to snow tmr

Me-I dunno. Where what you want...? And I want to wear a dress

M-yeah ok...i just didn't want to be underdressed cuz i figured u guys would be dressing up..but i didn't want to freeze in a silk dress haha

Me-wear a coat

M-ok..i'll prolly just wear a dress then

So... This may not seem like anything special like oh she's just wondering what you're going to wear, but apply how she makes a "big" deal out of everything aka oh no dress in the cold what to do?! example to every little detail in life... The KISS process just doesn't apply to that particular brain.

It's a sigur ros day

It. Just. Is... Sigh
Being morally corrupted has major pitfalls.

Fb status that can't be published, but have an overwhelming to still post it somewhere...

Helen is... A lost little lamb.

Not quite a black hole

Alright so I haven't quite sunk into the depths of a black hole, yet, but I am sitting on the edge of uncomfortable.

Back to feeling like I have to walk on egg shells for fear of betraying my true feelings.

This has no subject line

The world is assed and I am in it's anus.

I'm not, really, but it's nice to blog on the fly as these one liners come to my head.

Ya I won't lie and say this doesn't suck, for lack of a fancy uber negative wish I can crawl into a hole to reverse time, but at the same time I can't honestly be upset as I knew going into this that the longer I stay attached and involved the more hurt and suffering I will have.

Melodramatic, but it has it's place here.

I'll just chalk this up to being what I absolutely deserve.

At least I still get dutch sundays...

back to normal?

what does your normal mean to me?! where does that leave me...? sigh. should've never gotten emotionally involved... bollocks...

EDIT: it means i'm left in the cold and will be the best man. abso-fuckin-lutely perfect. b/c i'm just that supportive.

i'm gassy

seriously, i keep farting in my seat, trying to let the air out slowly so it doesn't make a huge noise, no there's no smell, but still... how embarrassing. i'm scared of getting out of my seat for fear of farting as i walk to the bathroom... booo :( i'm so sexy.

tuesday morning thoughts

• stop sitting at a slant so you're not leaning on me you old fart
• midget boy who reminds me of justin from ugly betty, please shut the fuck up so my drink comes faster
• pls pls pls drugs kick in so i don't feel like a weak piece of shit
• i want my sexy weekend back, most especially the spooning
• douchebag, please no more contact, you're really not as great as you make yourself out to be
• you look like a man. if you're going to disguise yourself as a woman, at least do a better job with your eye shadow and hide those man hands