In case you didn't know

A drug store pregnancy test is only 150 pts at shoppers, but feels like 1.5million pounds in nerves on my shoulders.

Oh and it was negative. At least for today... Fml where's my period?!

virgo traits

" However, even if the Virgo's house or office is not always in perfect order, you can be sure that they still know where to instantly find whatever they need, despite it being hidden in a pile somewhere."

this is exactly me!!!! that's why i tell ppl don't touch my mess b/c then i can't find anything after!!! should put this on a post it note whenever my mum feels the need to tidy my room when i'm away on holidays!

dedicated to the current

ok, so the last post was quite bitter and i don't want it to seem like i'm not happy now b/c it's far from it. so this post is dedicated to the man in my life now. emphasis on MAN. he's... older, but is out going, likes to have fun, can hold a conversation, is smart, is adventurous, is kind, is not the complete over the top openly affectionate type... so i've learned to rein it in, but whilst he's on vacation, he has shown or said, how he feels about me and i feel confident, that though it's not proclaimed to the world, it has been shown to his friends, whom he considers his family, that i am someone he is.. seeing? dating? it hasn't been defined, but to define it now w/ him, to have that conversation almost seems contrite, not necessary... i feel i know where i am w/ him, so that's good and after learning from the last relationship, i AM a bit more cautious w/ my feelings, but nonetheless i can barely contain my emotions sometimes. this is the longest run on sentance, but i seem to be writing from some part of me that feels emotionally stronger than i was 4 months ago. call it maturity? no... but maybe finally realizing what's actually reality and what makes me really happy and content.

anyway, getting preachy. but ya i am happy. he seems pretty awesome. i throw the 'seems' b/c i don't want to jinx what i may think is true? i'm over-analyzing? ya i know haha

it's weird. we've spent more time apart than we have together. i guess that's what happens when you meet someone during the peak holiday season? despite it all, we already have plans to get away together for my bday weekend which i'm looking forward to. 6 more days until he is home. :o)

which is it

i can't tell if i'm disgusted by how whipped he is, or if i'm secretly jealous of his public outpouring, by that i mean fb, of affection for her, and still stinging that i never meant that way to him... but seeing as how openly whipped he is, maybe i'm not so jealous and more disgusted by it? not to say i'm dissatisfied in my own relationship, in which case i guess you'd ask then why care about the ex? i don't care about him, but maybe...ya i'm still slightly smarting from the fb overtures of how much you are madly in love w/ this 20 yr old... is it a reflection upon me that i was a horrible gf? actually, it feels more like that was a life time ago and i barely remember the 'good times' and the fact that you can't be mature enough w/ me, your ex, b/c you worry what your 20 yr old current gf might think? tells me you still have a lot to grow in dealing w/ ppl and relationships... so... on one hand no, i so don't want you back and i see now that we were only just passerby's in each other's life for a brief moment in time, having fun, but ... on the other, i am still kind of smarting that i fell so hard for you and realized how you never treated me the way i should've been treated, as i see it happening w/ a girl you like/love/whatever.
i was just your whatever, otherwise known as a rebound. i wish i had never let myself get so attached to you, i can't even remember those feelings, all that's left is this slightly stinging of feeling... used and ... rejected. f... you...

lol

lol b/c i did a little inadvertent fb stalking... ok maybe a little deliberate, but was curious and kind of bored... lol you "love" her? and also declared it on her fb wall? what's more pathetic? you, young one who've only been dating her for 2 months knowing you "love" her (btw was in a "relationship" w/ her for only 2 weeks after you ended it w/ me) or me for fb stalking on someone's wall where i shouldn't have been?
i'm going to lean towards ME... BUT i did LOL when i saw the "love you more" on the wall. like seriously? i was soooo your rebound. i'm not bitter, but ... just laughable that's all. sigh. anyyywayyyy good luck w/ that, kid.

Frustrating

Just a tad, when the guy I'm seeing is not an extrovert affectionate person, yet does display actions of caring and liking me. It all feels so contrary, but I mean when he takes off for 3 weeks on holidays and gives me the keys to hisplace, I'm helping w/ mail pick up, I'd say that's a big sign of trust eh?
But when he says I'm silly and a goofball for being slightly teary and sad at the goodbye hug at the airport, and points out it's only for a few weeks and he is returning, and that he and I've only been together a few weeks, I can't help but feel well.. So ... Am I just being over dramatic?
It's clear that my often displays of PDA makes him slightly uncomfortable, but he said it's not a bad thing.
I can't change how I show emotion and he can't change how he...doesn't really, so where/what does that leav me?
Content w/ the actions such as...already meeting mutual friends, slept over at his place several times, take comfort in knowing he likes to cuddle me when sleeping, and is extremely receptive to want to have sexy times w/ me?
I guess right? What more could I ask for?
Maybe I need to learn to reign in my inner eager puppiness, I have learned that only 1% of guys would really "get" it lol
Plus, the last thing I want is to scare him away. But... It's me so he better get use to it lol
Sigh