Always a compliment

When airport security acknowledges you're a well seasoned traveller, when they see your belongings well organized in the boxes that go thru xray check :)

Fail

I just left a boy's house w/ my shorts on inside out and quietly snuck into my house...

Disgusting

Guy sitting in front of me, on canada line train w/ no shoes on. Absolutely disgusting. Show some decorum you filthy beast

Willing the inner londoner to stay on

Trying not to spout "awesome"...it really does sound awful when it's said over there, so many more words I can use in lieu of it. Must hang on "british vocab" for as long as I can. Cannot get "dumb" down to canadian slowness or alexxi will beat the crap out of me.

Home...

Not quite home an hour and already missing london. Everything here just feels so nahhh and slow...

Make it go away

Urgh I just wish random memories wouldn't float back to my mind. Like after the first month when he said he was confused, I should've just ended it. I wish the chemistry wasn't so good, at least on my end, so I could just be indifferent right now.
I figure hate does no good b/c that means I'm holding on to something. I just wish these damn memories of him would go away. This whole city reminds me of him, doesn't help that he lived 5 mins away from me and almost everything we did revolves around a good 15km of my regular daily life.
This isn't positive or helpful thinking, but I feel like I either prepped him for his next gf, he was barely tolerating acting like my bf, or he was already or having feelings for this other girl..or a combination of all 3. I don't feel as bad as I did in the beginning, but still a bit...insecure about it all. F him. Blahh

Italian disappointment

Italian day was a bust. Not just b/c of the rain, but it just ended up being a super congested street w/ restos and stores that are normally open, w/ super long line ups. Was expecting a rousing game of futbol in the streets or something other than just hippy dippy street vendors and bongo drums.
However, the highlight came when dolce vita came out of the speakers and when I realized it was a live opera singer on stage. That was sensational.

In heat

And thinking about him...and then started going crazy thinking about him w/ her. I'm bordering on edge of obsessive... F

I love PDA

But not other ppl's PDA when I'm single and w/ a bit small cracked, but healing heart. Damn you, cute couple in the corner...

Imagining

Every time I'm on the train for hom I think I might see "him"...almost hoping to? What would I say or do if I ever ran into him. I think a small, very small part of me is holding a light that he might...talk to me again. Fml.
Doesn't even want to be friends. F U! :(

The jamaican

I had dinner tonight w/ the jamaican architect tonight. I guess you could call it a date. Walking by the water and then japanese dinner at ebisu. The more I talk to him the more I am starting to understand him b/c he does have an accent and sometimes there's some clarification needed on slang and jokes, but not all the time.

We had a nice time walking along the water after dinner. After some friend hugs, he tried to pull me for a kiss! I don't know, I kind of panicked and gave him my cheek...I don't have "those" feelings yet, I mean I enjoy his company, but I'm not ready to lead him on w/ a kiss thinking I want to. Oh shit, is this what my ex felt like w/ me??

Anyway, I guess we'll see how it goes w/ the jamaican...he use to be a junior pro tennis player so...I kind of want to make sure I get to play w/ him to improve my car. Horrible right?! I'm not using him for tennis, I do have a nice timebut I'm not feeling the I want him to F me. Which...is extremely important to me to have that chemistry...or maybe I'm just a nymph and I should learn how "normal" feelings are suppose to develop.

Girl on platform

There's a girl to the right of me on the train platform and she has a fab outfit. I had a scott shulman (sp??) Satorialist moment where I wanted to photograph her. She had this perforated thick cotton tank w/ a fabulous cropped militaryesque navy jacket and wonderful wavy curly hair...sigh...

angry

i guess this was triggered from seeing his new profile pic in fb. it's all i can see b/c i de-friended him. it's a pic of him and his new gf, taking a photo together in front of his mirror. he is kissing the top of her head w/ what looks to be loving gesture while she takes a photo of them. i know i know i have to stop looking at it, but i can't help but feel cheated and angry all at the same time. he never even 'showed me off' when we were dating like that. never showed me the consideration or was proud of the fact that i was his gf, on fb. granted it's fb so who cares as long as he had treated me well, but... i feel angry.

i feel angry that i celebrated his birthday w/ him, that i cooked him a nice meal, that i spoiled him w/ his favourite things on his birthday. i know i didn't have to do that, but i wanted to. i don't know if any of it was appreciated. i don't know if our dating history was even appreciated.
i feel like he took advantage of the fact that things were comfortable and i was willing to be this doting gf and he didn't appreciate it, especially right up to the end. i'm angry that he started dating someone new so soon after he broke up w/ me, that he declared on fb that he was already in a relationship w/ someone else. i'm angry b/c i think he had feelings for this girl while dating me. i'm angry that i wasted my time w/ him. i'm angry that i've let him hurt me. i'm angry that this still affects me. i'm angry that he said let's be friends and then negated on that promise. i don't care if that's what one says but never means it. i'm just angry. i feel used and discarded. i think i might hate him, which would be a lot easier to handle than to still pine after someone who didn't appreciate me enough.

i'm angry.