cankles

cankles: when there is no definition b/w calf and ankles.

this heat is making me swell up like a balloon. i feel absolutely fat. my toes look like little piggies, my ankles look like they belong to a 60 yr old women with osteoporosis, and my belly looks like it did before i got fit and toned :(

i cherish the cool temperature and rain. please come back so i can return to my younger more rejuvenated self.

nostalgic angst

i feel absolutely gutted when i see other people's photos of their trips to italy. it's like remembering a past away loved one, except not b/c italy's a place not a person and italy will always be there... but still, it's just so far away, that using the dead loved one as a metaphor seems quite fitting.

the perfect ceaser

took 20 mins to make yesterday.

what took so long?

finding the right side to use on 2 different graters
grating the horseradish
debating about the best way on squeezing a lime
squeezing limes
finding a place to put the vodka after it was poured into the glass before it was rimmed
looking for the rimming equipment
figuring out how to open a tightly sealed can of pickeled asparagus
a debate on what type of glass to use. tall vs short. (tall was used, but short won due to height of asparagus)
using 2 different digital cameras to try to capture this perfect, finalized moment of the perfect ceasar

really?

like .. really?

dynamic tower

"...who has never built a sky-scraper before..."

final thoughts

so sitting here, blogging, and browsing the net, didn't make me feel as much of a loser as i thought it would. i think i've entertained myself enough to compensate for at least half a day's waste of doing nothing.

i am tired. helen has to sleep. ciao

match maker

seeing as how difficult it is to seek quality guys, i've already seeked out a quality girl, based purely on the superficial. as you all know, i like the judge a book by it's cover (this all said with a wry, witty voice).

qualities of girl to my right: she has a powerbook, from unintentionally overhearing her conversation, she is a graphic designer who works in a magnificent studio loft in east van. she has a blog (ya okay, so i peeked over, can't help it if she's 6 inches away). she's wearing what appears to be a mackage jacket, very cute outfit, she doesn't look like those annoying asian girls i can't stand (and no i don't mean myself). she said to her friend on the phone she does not date friends' exes. QUALITYYYYY

future quality guy in vancouver, please see potential in her.

perhaps i'll moonlight as a match maker, my office can be at blenz, i'll be a poser acting as a student, but really i'll be secretly seeking out quality people and blog about their quality superficial elements.

quality

quality girl seeking quality guy.

b/c of current drama, i have come to the point where i'm starting to think that i am not attracting quality guys. why are all the bad quality, (inequality?) guys coming out of the woodwork at the same time? i only have 2 hands, i can only juggle .5 of a bad quality guy.

am i a bad quality girl therefore i'm attracting bad quality guys? is this how it works? i give off some vibe that says hey all douchebags, losers, nothing to offer me guys, seek me out b/c i'm desperate?!

should i hold up a sign, as i walk around, quality girl seeking only quality guys?

studente

i don't understand how anybody gets any work done in this coffee shop. i'm not dissing blenz, it's awesome if you are a bored little girl with no friends around and want to sit somewhere in public to blog rather than vegetate home, BUT, SERIOUSLY, it's so loud in here, i don't believe that a single person with a book open looking as though they are studying for school is seriously studying.

if i combined all students that are 'studying' i wonder what their, at the moment, GTA would be.

probably higher than what mine ever was!

an ode to a douchebag

dear douchebag,

please stop calling, please stop texting, please please please stop facebook poking me. what part of me ignoring all points of contact do you not understand? you were a mistake, a god awful mistake of my pass that i want to erase from my mind.

why... have you been thinking about me a lot lately? why... would you love it if i gave you a shout some time?

want to know why i want nothing to do with you? despite your superficial awesome good looks, and on the surface caring demeanor, inside you are nothing, but an egotistical, small, desperate boy constantly seeking attention from willing, affection seeking girls. i am not that girl anymore.

please stop contacting me.

anticipation

in anticipation for my european adventure, i'm hoping one leg of the trip will become a before sunrise moment, and seeing as how i'm heading into vienna, where the plot took place in, with a friend of potential attraction, outlook is looking quite good.

i secretly gleam with anticipation.

no manners

what would you say if someone all of a sudden reached down between your chair and someone else's, at eye level with your toes, to unplug a power plug? um... how about a little 'excuse me' instead of trying to keep wrenching at it and making me feel as though my personal space around my feet were being invaded. mhhh? is that a little difficult?

diagrams

i'm sitting, bar style, facing the window, i turn in my chair to stretch and lo and behold, over my left shoulder, a girl, who presumably is studying biology of sorts, was looking a a biological diagram of a penis. lovely. that shape seems to be recognizable no matter how broken down it's form is.

EDIT: 20 mins later... i just turned around and glanced that the girl is wearing a little miss curious t-shirt... HAH yes yes i am immature, but i thought it was ironic. oh boo hoo u, she looked like a nice girl, i'm not knocking that!

seo power

did you know, if you typed in imdb.com in google search, the SECOND link is the link to the IRONMAN movie page on imdb.com?! talk about the power of SEO.

HAH, the guy beside me is coding on a mac. oh java... how i do not miss thee

bouna sera

i am bored. bored. bored. bored out of my mind. much to my dismay, but not surprise, ALL my friends who i can easily call upon to hang out with, are currently unavailable to entertain the likes of me.

i am bored. it is a gorgeous day, scratch that, it WAS a gorgeous day, turning into a great evening as i approach 10pm.

so instead of mulling on my ass in front of my computer at home, i'm mulling on my ass, drinking hot chocolate, in front of my computer at the 24/7 blenz... and obviously, blogging.

the original plan was to mull on my butt with no computer at chapters. to creep upon the romance section, to see what dirty, but tasteful girl porn i can dig out, and then maybe fantasize about some european adventures in the travel section. instead, i get there, and it's closed. boourns indeed.

i don't know if it's the weather that's making us all so restless, but even my dad was throwing a small hissy fit at home and threatened to go watch a movie by himself. my mind, turned to mush from a day of doing nothing, was slow to respond. luckily, my mum realized he was serious and went with him. so by then, i'm still lying there in my pjs and in my robe, watching repeats of so you think you can dance, i realized i needed to get the hell out of the house so i don't turn into a bonafide couch potato.

hence, therefore, henceFORTH (ah HAH) i am now a bonafide student poser at blenz with my laptop.

more to come in due time.

lonely girl seeking company

boy, is it ever hard to be a single girl with not many friends in a beautiful city on a gorgeous day.

i don't have any more tennis for 2 weeks. i feel like my world is going to drop out and swollow me whole. it might as well, at least i would have some company, albeit questionable company, while i wait until july.

let's take stock of what available girlfriends i have to call on.

1 - bf, family, bf bf bf
2 - bf, works weekends, bf bf bf, never calls anymore
3 - bf, works weekends, family
4 - family, family, obligated to spend time with family on weekends
5 - bf, not in the country

accordinging to my list, maybe if i was someone's bf i might have a life!

damn u sun, making me feel obligated to enjoy your warmth on some patio! bring on the rain so i can hibernate in bed with a good book without feeling the guilt.

flamenco good

is it just or me or does anybody else think that the male flamenco dancer on, my favourite show, so you think you can dance elimination episode was like a wiggly/jiggly/vibrating piece of sexiness on 2 legs? i couldn't tear my eyes away from those pecs...

and yes it IS 1am and i DO have a problem with sleeping!!

germs

damn u allergies. i just sneezed. sneezed big. bodily fluid came out and i just touched the mouse.

i hope i just made you think twice before touching a mouse on a public computer.

dangerous liaisons

i feel like the 'virgin' in my team as they remind me of the characters from dangerous liaisons, except instead of 2 people, it's a group of 4. and in their sick little way, the stuff they do, they stuff they say, is okay amongst their little band of 4, but amongst 'regular' people with morals, beliefs, and quite frankly with a self-respect for their own body, they would be consider pagans.

i work with a bunch if pagans. god help my soul and body not become so corrupted i become one of these immorally insane people. (except, i don't believe in god, but you get the idea)

and i thought i was a dirty little lush, apparently i have nothing on team 'dangerous liaisons'

EXCITED!!!!!!

even more excited for my trip as my friend is excited to have me in austria. we're not just buming around linz, we'll be going to vienna as well YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

boring blog post, but i'm just so excited that bouncing in my chair at work doesn't seem to do it justice. the internet universe must know as well.

"tu sei molto carino"

nothing like a good ol' 10 mins of flirting with an italian ex-coworker to make a gal feel special again.

ahh... facebook chat, how handy you've become. grazie! hehe *blush & giggles*

seriously?

backstreet boys are coming to town on sept 4.

seriously?!

i had to quadruple read my pre-sale email to remember who the backstreet boys even were! oh sigh... 2000... the year of boy bands.

sex

i finally watched the sex and the city movie today.

i feel as though my life as been fulfilled...

except for the part where i haven't lived thru my 30's where i'm suppose to be scandalously debauched by gorgeous men... well i guess that's what the tv series is for. my fantasy.

no drama

well friday the 13th passed without drama. though i'm not sure if drinking at 3pm at work would count as getting into trouble (i was influenced into it!)... sigh... i really need to know when to stop drinking around the ppl i work with. i know, it's not ME to be such a lush, but when else do i get to act like a silly 20 something yr old?

gasp

tomorrow is friday the 13th. i hope i can stay out of trouble.

not so gutted

okay, so to counteract tonight's lost of my secret other half, i do have happy news to report.

I BOOK MY FLIGHT!!!

euro bound i am. i'm so excited, i could hardly contain myself at work, bouncing in my chair, more so than usual!

gutted

absolutely gutted.

i just found out that my regular mon, wed and sun night tennis lessons are on summer vacation until september.

i feel like i'm losing a part of me... well technically, i am, my serbian tennis alter ego, jelena.

is it also so bad to be freaking out so much b/c i've associated all my tennis playing with my recent weight lost and new body tone? and b/c now i'm losing my regular tennis play i'm scared to death i'm going to get 'fat'? ...

not that i had ever considered myself obese... but there was definitely a timewhen i thought i could do with a little less packaging...

sometimes i scare myself with how my mind attaches the idea that if i ever stop playing so much tennis i'll turn into the blob that i felt myself becoming, which means i can't ever stop playing, it's okay, i love tennis so much, but now there's this other mental reason of why i play. it's not healthy to think that way, but for some explicable reason i can't stop it.

well, i guess it's not like there's no tennis to be played, i did sign up for a tuesday thursday 630-830, but it just won't be the same! it's not with the same teacher, same time, and i'm playing 3 hrs less than i usually play in a week... not even the same language! i can't... lose myself the way i did, i'm just going to stay the same ol' boring weird me.

simply breath taking

the rip

insane in the membrane

my cousin is about to have her 5th child, 4th biologically.

FIFTH CHILD!!!

she's about 29?! or YOUNGER?!

FIIIFFTHHH CHILDDDDDD!! she already has 3 boys and 1 girl, though the girl looks like a little hello kitty, so that's okay.

i guess it's more like insane in the membrane down south... gawd i wonder if that thing will ever close itself back up! yikes!

EDIT - i'm not judging, just saying... that's insane, good for her, b/c she really IS an awesome, loving person. i just could NEVER do what she is about to do... pop another species out of her womb.

post match dinner

(well more like post tennis lesson dinner, but i always end the lesson with a game)

a bowl of choy and a bowl of already peeled oranges.

...

yes, literally a bowl of chinese green stuff, and another bowl of orange yummm, it's like sunshine in a bowl, except i guess the other bowl would be considered grass... :(

the best part, is it's already laid out for me on the counter when i get home! i just have to shovel it into my mouth... i guess this is another piece of evidence of why i'm spoiled.

yacht watches

mike -
"there are some nicer ones in the recent GQ
the yacht watches!
if i bought a yacht watch i'd even hit on myself!
"sooooo, mike....what's up? you're looking good today"
yes, i just described myself hitting on myself"

HAH excellent. i didn't even have to do anything to get that line.

good bye

my dear friend. i'll see you in 3 monthes.

as my friend leaves for 3 monthes, i predict that my summer may end up with more boy drama than what i've already accumulated. she's my 'mother-goose' who reams me out when i get into stupid crap with the opposite sex. so for the next 3 monthes, i will not have the constant scolding to stay away from booze and boys. it should be a pretty interesting summer...

pick up

no balls:
as a guy, i expect you to pick up your balls and to just grab me to dance. not make nice convo (which was nice), and then hover and stare with an air of expectations... talk about awkward...

more awkward, having your friends take papparazzi like photos of the fact that you're talking to a girl... did i mention this guy was from the states and up to vancouver for the weekend? perhaps that would explain his outwardly gawky like motions... but it doesn't explain the fact that he's wearing a sweater vest over a white t-shirt. NOT a sartorialist moment.

with balls:
guy with some balls at least asked me to dance instead of bopping nervously around my group. now that's how to not be awkward... if only i can remember what all you looked like last night...

with balls and unique pick up line:
"i really like your glasses" well now isn't that a nice and fine intro line as i've always felt awkward and loser-like with my glasses in a club. nothing like a little bit of sweat and heat to steam up my glasses and make them slip down my nose every 2 seconds. to have someone actually comment on my frames was a novelty. too bad you looked sleazy and i was done having my dirty dancing moments and was about to leave.

faulkner

final: 6-1. 6-3. 6-0.

"a gentleman can live through anything"

never a loser

okay, so you both didn't win your matches, but it doesn't mean i stop hearting you both.

please do well at wimbledon. my hero dreams and wishes rely on your success.

on another unrelated note, i had an awesome practice session tonight, but was scolded that though i look cute in my outfit, it is not complete until i get tennis shoes :( if only they weren't so ugly.

heartache

nothing like looking at jayme's flickr pics of his jaunt to italia to make my heart ache with envy and memories.


pitigliano
(photo: Jayme Cochrane)


saturnia
(photo: Jayme Cochrane)

please win

roland garros





i <3 u forever

rant rant rant

i do seem to be on quite a roll tonight, don't i?!

and on another note, friends who don't bother calling or texting back deserve scathing facebook msgs about what a crap person they are. except i don't have the balls to go executing on that direct msg, instead i stuck with sarcasm and emoticon smileys to take the edge off. hopefully the msg still comes across: you use to be my friend, now ur a stranger, wtf happen, why are you such a lameass and how did we ever lose in touch?

if i could tell you exactly how i feel about you without any consequence it would be to say, what the hell happened to you to become a goal-less, uneducated, no direction in life 'bum' but not really a bum b/c u ARE a workaholic. maybe i'm just being a judgemental ass for thinking you can achieve so much more with your life than some dead end job...

wouldn't the world be in a better place if we could just say what we actually want to say only b/c we mean well? now isn't that a devil's advocate question b/c i'm sure you're saying well what if you meaning well isn't really for the right intentions?! sigh... freudian debate, of which i must stop b/c i should sleep.

night

friends who judge

but who also mean well can sometimes grate on my nerves.

quite frankly, if you can't relate to a story i'm telling you, you don't have to act all judgemnetally (ya i know that is not a real word) on me and tell me to perhaps find a friend who might 'be in the same space' as me to find some common ground.

how about just being a friend and listening and TRYING to relate? OBVIOUSLY we're all different people who grow, learn, make mistakes, and move on. we're all human! how about that for some common ground?!

home is where the heart is

and IMO, the ppl who boo me for still living at home when i'm 23 can screw.off.

i'm sorry if your parents don't love you enough to care whether you still live at home or not, or could careless either way.

i'm sorry you're paying 1000/month rent for a shit hole in "downtown" really gastown really bum hole land just so you can say you have a place of your own.

i'm sorry you don't have a place where you can truely call it your home.

can you tell my 'sorries' are sarcastic?!

and this isn't directed at anybody in particular, b/c i know ppl who do live on their own and i don't care if they do or not. this is just for the future joeschmos i might meet and make fun of me for still living at home.

you know i'm spoiled

not b/c i'm the youngest "baby" of the family

not b/c i still live at home (imo that is not spoiled, but i'll save this for another blog post)

not b/c my dad pays for my phone bill

not b/c i have my own car

but b/c every morning my mum wakes up early and packs me yummy oatmeal and fruit for me to take to work to eat for my breakfast... sigh priceless!

unicorns are pretty

mike - "btw, LOL at andrea this morning, "YOU TOLD ME MY SCARF LOOKED NICE! WHAT THE HELL, MIKE?!" "

hlam - "haha, WOW, someone's jealous for your praise"

mike - "my praise is like like unicorn tears: some say it only exists in fantasy, but they're indeed real and a cherished commodity"

brilliant!

a new year

well, it's a start of a new half year and as such, i really hope this first half does not have as much drama as it did in the start of 08. seriously, like family health, long term relationship break up, work shakeup and unstability, and just being really sick more often than i'd like has not been ideal.

it has not been a good start of 08, but i really feel like well i've grown up (notice i don't really say mature b/c i doubt that'll ever change), but i've grown up and have toughened my teflon shell (throw back to my HP days).

teflon shell check beginning of 2008: 3 millimeters thick

teflon shell check half way through 2008: 3 inches thick!!

i've also decided that boys are nothing but trouble, trouble like COPS! (thanks shirls, honestly, i should really get that tattooed to my forehead) especially the ones who know how to cause it and are happy to use you just b/c they can. in fact, i'm going to keep you boys at arms length, i don't have time to worry myself over any girly emotional crap that are associated with you! when a good one wants to come knocking, you know how to come get me!