LOL

My friend just texted me this: "Just had lame sex"

LOL.

"looking for depth"

haha is the first line from some guy from the online dating site, my first thought? "you won't find it here..." i.e. me i.e. the online dating site... haha jk, i don't put myself down THAT badly, but thought it was funny...

no more viagra

please... please no more viagra spam in my main email box. i am not a man and i am 25. should i get a sex change and can't get it up when i'm 65+ i'll give you a call.

Cry at work is ok

My HR dept is pretty cool. I can just walk in and cry if I need to...which is exactly what I did. No, not about boys, but just frustrated at myself for not being a quick learner, at not understanding data analysis... It's like learning java in school...where I failed. And cried in front of the teacher...

late night boys

why can't a late night visit with a boy ever be platonic? EVER?! or just have platonic intentions. it's like some law in the universe, but it's a law i don't completely agree with b/c it's never my intention to just jump him. my intentions are virginal, honest, and conversational. fml.

boys are trouble

trouble like cops. i've said this before, but saying it again b/c it's so true and if i vent in here i won't go as crazy if i vent in real life... it's ok... i just have to be patient and slowly persistent until door is completely slammed in my face. please don't let it be slammed while my heart's on the other side. not the love heart, but the lusty heart. either one broken hurts.

this is pretty damn dope

the width is cut off a bit on the right on my monitor, you'll probably have to watch this on the actual site.

what does he want?!

he got his sex. does he want more? only time will tell.

i got my sex. i want more. more of mind and body. slowly going mental, but not as quickly as a couple of weeks ago.

WANTED:

A nice, attractive boy who isn't crazy busy and has the time to pursue me b/c he thinks I'm that awesome.

fear

biggest fear. he (any he) thinks i am crazy and he's not all that far off from the truth. urgh... ahhhh...

Drunk

And really want to fuck guy who doesn't want me but only b/c I know how...strong...he is. Fml. He's never going to call. Fucker. I'm AWESOMEEEE you lose.

Hung over

To the max. Oh god it hurts. Red wine is a beast. Was fine one second, the next, I'm down beside the toilet and getting sick. I'm pretty sure two gfs carried me out. I'm just so classy that way.

Will soon be drunk

YES DRINKING!!!!! Never has drinking given me such a course of elation coursing thru my body.
Drinking drinking drinking w/ ladies. Halleluah.

The support of friends

"You should send a msg confronting him. Say "if you don't want to see me, or you don't think it is going to work, then be a man and say it instead of hiding behind a phone""

Hah the real don't give a fuck lamb would, but feeling the way I do now, can't make myself sound like a total biatch right now...

The bad won out

Fml. I just texted him when I should've just let it be... Nothing bad, just that I hope he has a good friday and a break this wknd. Sigh... Fml

Should I make this edit on my profile?

"Looking for someone to hang out with, to have fun, to be playful with. I hate games, so if you want to date, let's do this. Don't fuck w/ my head or my emotions b/c I'm incredibly loyal. Thru my own fault have expected the same reactions from ppl so when you turn cold b/c you're playing some game I will be a messed up, retarded puppy"

You know... Just saying and all... Hah I guess I'll just stick w/ what's ready on there.

maybe he's a little interested??

so i called. couldn't help it, but just had to do one more thing and i would've said something like oh my phone was having issues with texts etc. anyway, that little white lie doesn't matter b/c he never picked up, but he did text back soon after saying he was in the library, hw, super stressed from school, tmr night might not be awesome, but he's gonna try to do as much tonight as possible so... so there's hope right?

put me out of my misery. please.

He's just not that into you

I am so that girl he's just not that into you...except he was interested...very much so. Which makes my predicament all the more confusing. Silence is a cold and sad friend. As is desperation and bewilderment.

Pain

Stomach expanding from intestines inflammed w/ air...so. Much. Pain... Gasping w/ breath. But not enough pain to get up and do something about it. Well, more like crippled w/ it... Oh my snuffle bears, pls use your wonderful soft stuffed bellies to soothe mine!
Urghhj

yay he texted back!

enough said.

Urgh what to do?!

Ya if the roles were reversed I'd definitely the guy's crazy, but luckily he doesn't know my mental state of mind or how anxious I'm feeling.
Urgh should I go out w/ radiohead guy? I wasn't wow'd by our convo and I'm surprise he was enough to text me back asking to go see a movie. All signs point to no I really don't want to, so how should I decline? Just say no? I'm busy? Fuck so harsh if that happens to me.

Fml

Having a major f'ing nervous breakdown. An exaggeration, but feel highly anxious. Why can't this misery just take me out already? Why do I have to continue down this path of torment. Why do I even care?! Fml.
Fml. And now it was the tall radiohead guy who just texted...not the one I want. Like karma kicking me in the ass.
Fml.
I don't even like him.

F Me

F. Me. I just did it. I texted him. All casual and such, just a "hey how's your monday been etc"
If I truely do not hear back anything by tues night, well I guess game over for reals?? Game over for me at least.
Fml.
I don't know why I couldn't control it, but I just...had to do it. Felt like I had to keep up the lines of communication so he remembers I'm alive!
Fml.
Fmlfml so game over... And the panic ensues...

Save my soul

And text me!!!

I've been mandated not to text him anymore. I was casual in my last one and if he wants to genuinely see me he'll damn well get a hold of me. So no texting from me.

Waiting for his text feels like it will save my soul so I don't go crazy.

calma...

okay, so right before i played tennis, he did text me back. i just have to relax... stay calm... don't obsess (hah good luck on that). seeing as how he's vague on when the next date is, i better just relax my ass.... as my friend advices... i just... don't know how. gawd i just wanna be back in his arms! hothothothot...

cry of anguish

WHY HASN'T HE GOTTEN BACK TO MEEEEEEEE
it's been a whole day and NO replies back to 2 texts. wtf is wrong or how hard is it to text someone back esp. when you were so liberal about it before?!??! wtf did i do wrong? oh sorry i gave you a bj but you and i both know you enjoyed it and i did it b/c i wanted to. so if that f'in scared you off then you're a big weeny! literally.

SUCKSBALLS why can't something awesome just work in my favor and why do i always give so much, literally, why can't it just work out and why can't someone just want me for me?! FFFFFffffffffff going absolutely crazy crazy crazy crazy..... like a kicked, distraught, whiny, sad little puppy.

I get around

Not in a promiscuous way, but I had 3 dates in the past 24ish hour. One was a 2nd date and ended in the heat of passion...too soon? I jumped the gun so to speak? Whatever, I can't control it, if it's there why wait.

The 2nd was w/ a tall, nerdy, guy in a coffee shop. A bit awkward, conversation didn't flow as easily as I would've liked as I've had it better before. And just... It almost felt like a waste of time. Too bad b/c he seemed like a winner when we were emailing each other. Will probably not want to hang w/ him again.

The 3rd, I just finished. We grabbed some coffee and walked around the seawall. That one was nice. Good convo, didn't feel awkward, he could have a conversation. New to town, so just meeting new ppl to hang out. Will probably go out w/ him again, but in a platonic way, movie etc. Someone to do something w/ around town.

So all hope is w/ guy #1. Apparently all guys categorise girls as one thing or another... A good girl or one who just sleeps around. I hope, b/c of 2nd night, he doesn't think am the latter b/c I really like him. So in my current obsess state I've texted him, w/ the advice of my friend, to just let him know that things have skipped ahead quickly and that I'm excited about it, but would like to go on a proper date soon like a movie etc... I hope he gets back to me. I know I know if he doesn't, his loss, but doesn't help w/ the insecurities.
I haven't heard back from him post last night which is why I feel a bit unnerved...
Sigh

This is weird

When you're having a conversation w/ someone, in a coffee shop, and a random stranger chimes in at least 4 different times and not w/ something quick and witty, but w/ their own anecdotes. WHO ARE YOU?!? And why are you involving yourself when you're clearly a stranger? Didn't even look like a bum, just looked like another random single mum w/ a bad taste in fashion.

So try having that happen while having the first f2f w/ a guy who's voice is quite booming and sounds a bit like a loud cartoon character. I'm going to assume it's b/c of his height, that his diaphragm must exert a lot of energy to get the audio out.

I feel like an orange

So I texted , email you last. And you told me to add you to fb and finally you accepted the request and since you've been back I haven't received any "hey how are you" emails or texts. Not even a follow up from the first f2f with a movie that you promised.
And I saw that you added several other girls to fb.

I think I'm being compared like an orange with other oranges.

Well I'm no orange!!

And as alexxi would say, I'm no orange I'm a pear just like my bears... B/c that rhythms better.

Dear crazy old lady on the train

Shut up. It's morning. Talk crazy during non rush hours, pls. Danke

Envy

Sigh, I have envious loins right now. I won't go into detail as to who I am envious of, but it's not hate envy, it's oh sigh romantic my loins are envy.
I think it's going to be a romance novel night, tonight.

a little abrupt

but to the point is good, i guess. just weird when it comes from a complete stranger.

"Listen, we could email correspond for years until both of our skin starts to get
saggy and lawn bowling starts to seem like a real sport, but I'm a busy guy so let's
have a normal conversation on the phone like regular people. What's your phone #
and when's a good time to reach you?"

the "i'm a busy guy..." threw me off... a bit of a fuck you moment, but i'm curious enough that i gave him my number. we'll see how it goes.

"...on the phone like regular people..." ya except i'm not regular and being on the phone kind of unnerves me. i'm more of a texter, but i guess attempting to have a 'real' conversation may help me improve my own curt way of communication...

malauenga

love. this. song.