you've nailed straight on the head

alex - "Ah Paris. Isn't life so different and kinda numb when you settle into routine. We were ALIVE in Paris."

it's true. i feel numb with stupidity, retardedness (not a word, but i don't care), superficialness and anything that is generally lame.

what i would give to go back to paris...or at least to have THAT feeling back.

i feel like a fool for

• thinking i'm not being used
• being a tool to help release someone else's pain
• being jealous of something that isn't really min\e
• wishing for something that i know would never happen and wouldn't be good anyway
• letting myself to become that type of person
• thinking i am doing nothing wrong

monday mornings are not my forte

pet peeve: when someone i don't know tries to make conversation with me on a monday morning, except the conversation is really one sided, tries to make me talk more than a one word answer, AND tries to be "clever" by speaking chinese to me.

listen, fucker, it's a freakin' monday morning, and you expect me to put up a full fledge conversation where you think you're the brightest geek of them all AND be so ignorant as to think i speak chinese or will think you're so awesome for even knowing how to speak it?! you ignorant moronic prick, go move out of your mommy's basement and grow a pair.

secret society

how the hell do i join this secret, seemingly to be underground, dodgeball league that happens in the city? it seems like someone from each group of people or just someone i know via fb are all part of some sort of dodgeball league that i don't know how to get into?! there is a registration date?! how do i get 'invited' on a team?

i want to beee part of the rubber redball madness!!

tales of a tragic heart

i feel utterly helpless and tragic for my friend as he goes thru a day of horror. talking about one's relationship and being on the edge of jump this is it or no we're done forever. i never wanted this to happen for them, though it was always in the back of my mind, but now that's real, i feel utterly useless. what do i say, i'm not in that situation, i can't understand, i'm trying to be the supportive friend, but anything i would say may seem contrive and superficial, with an underlye of an ulterior motive, but no. no, i just want him to not lose the number 1 person in his life, but at the same time be happy.

a question he posed to me: why can't it be both. why is it all or nothing, why can't they just stay in your life even if that part of the relationship is dead?

i'm worried about her, about what she'll do... do to herself? i don't know her well, but i hope she won't be that selfish, gawd... what an awful sordid mess.

twilight

okay, so i finally watched twilight yays! i think the weirdest feeling is to watch a movie and know exactly what should happened, based from a book, but seeing it not happen, but seeing something similar happening... or anticipating something that is going to happen. it's quite a weird experience. i think this is what all those harry potter fanboys and fangirls must have felt like when they watched the first movie...

sigh... despite it's hopelessly cheesey moments, my heart did a little envious pitter patter at the utterly tragic romeo and juletesque moments.

Girls not ladies

Young girls are annoying with their uncouth language and slutty ways.

I happen to be sitting in a gaggle of them while waiting to go see twilight... Hehe yay twilight!

Bus thoughts

Good god, how the hell are you carrying a delicately wrapped up orchid plant in this super windy, chilly, rainy night?!

Chinese man sitting next to me, pls kindly avert your eyes from my beautiful berrybold screen. Mind your goddamn business.

Is it worth the trouble?

Bustiers, corsets, whatever you call them are probably one of the most difficult pieces of garments to find that fits!! Holy crap, after twisting my torso and squishing my boobs, in 5 diff bustiers, I've about to give up looking for one that fits!

Sigh, if I wasn't so horny and addicted to lacey lingerie, I would save all the hassle and go back to cotton...

Possible fb status updates that would give off the wrong impression

I feel depressed and suicidal after watchig rachel getting married.

I'm holding a bag from a sex store and may not get any for quite while... Actually, this one might not be so true, but it does sound funny.

Where I get my crazy from

My mum.

This realization came to me as I watched her push uh hum I mean nudged my dad forward in the james bond line up that was rapidly approaching the front. It was like watching an eager child too excited for something.

Oh wait, it was like watching me when I get crazy eyes for something.

Sturm or chicken broth?

Every time I open the fridge door, I keep mistaking the jar of chicken broth for a jar of sturm.

It's like being excited for something awesome and then being quickly let down. EVERY time...

Pathetically tragic

I'm a cuddly, affectionate thing, and I terribly miss sneaking up on you to give you a big hug or cuddle, when you least expect it.

Unrequited affection can be damaging to the psyche, which is why I choose to ignore it and continue as I am.

See ME. And what I would do for you.

this is what i looked like when i took my first puff

via videosift.com

a happy youtube video

Maybe not so smart

Am I hard of hearing? B/c I swear this is the 2nd time that either I have selective memory and hearing or that people have thought they told me differently about what the plans are, but either way, I'm sitting on a bench outside some apartment on the corner of dt, killing/buying time before I'm suppose to meet people, and I already feel so much of a retarded panda, tht I refuse to sms or call to clairify meeting time, esp when I wouldn't know anyone, and it feels more like I've invited myself when clearly it was he who called me to come out.

The longest run on sentence ever.

Now I have strangers talking to me. Wish I had pace. Or an aprt to hang out while I slowly bury my humilitation/awkwardness I feel deep inside.

Debating if I should feign ill and just go home. Pride deems that I stick it out and pretend I don't feel like a homeless friend.

Instead, perhaps I'll go find some homeless bums to hang out with.

Overexposed

Is what I am. I'm also an unrequited, retarded panda, love target. Not worthy of the real deal.

wrong window msg

hlam hi i still have to twirl for you 11:13 oh shit wrong window HAHAHAHAH sorry anita it was meant for callie... HAHAHA wow... 11:14 azwick@ hahahahahahahahaha! best wrong window msg ever! you can twirl for me if you want to

Right of way

Hi, asshole in dark blue station wagon who almost hit me, but didn't b/c I screamed and jumped back, WATCH FOR PEDESTRIANS ESPECIALLY WHEN WE HAVE THE WALK SIGNAL, ergo... I HAD THE RIGHT OF WAY!!!

This is at least the 3rd time I almost got hit by a car while crossing the street at the corner of hastings and seymour and always by cars turning left onto hastings from seymour, except this time is when I actually thought, for reals, that I was going to die.

Urgh.

It's raining buckets outside. I just want to curl up and sleep.

How's this for a fb status?

I'm sitting in my underwear and stinky tennis top, randomly stalking ppl on facebook. My belly maaayyy be hanging out just a tad and my bum crack may be peaking out from behind my panties.

I think I've turned into a 42 year old perverted man.

*hangs head*

five

just got sent this today.

Five.

On why it's so hard to find a genuine girl

A- "i'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe. i may look like i should have a girlfriend and it should be easy, but it ain't, cause i have parking dififculties"

Sometimes I wish you knew what was in front of you.

i want those 45 minutes back

the above is an image of alex sitting on a bench, where i eventually joined him. we sat, rested our feet for about 45 minutes, and for whatever reason, whether it was the insurmountable history that was surrounding us or the fact that we were getting cultured out, we started talking about life... philosophizing about our lives. eventually, alex recorded our conversation for a potential conversation in his script.

as i'm constantly surrounded the superficialness of reality, i like to remember there was a good 45 minutes of my life where nothing mattered in the world except my conversation with my dear friend.

i'll let you guess which 'character' is me.