mal

i think i'm getting sick :( my throat is closing quicker and quicker... poo

h.u.n.g. o.verrrr

spent all day in bed. completely hung over. advil, tyonel, hot water, and my bears are my best friends. even by 730pm i was still a bit queasy, but i sucked it up and went to tennis.

now IIII feel like the tennis ball that's been hit around!

patrolling

last night was a LOT of fun, went to fabric, formally sonar, with shiu and a bunch of his friends... his GUY friends. that's right, it was me with 4 other boys in tow! it felt like we were patrolling for sexy time... except really it was just me following shiu around and getting absolutely hammered.

i remember bits and pieces...

there was a cage... i danced IN the cage... did i dance sexy in the cage, now that's a whole 'nother story.

i danced, danced dirty, danced regular, i think i only danced with shiu. his guy friends don't weren't forward enough to just dance with me. their lost!

from... nearing the end of the night at fabric to ending up lying in the backseat of shiu's car is a bit hazy... and i think i got home at 5am?! most of it was spent lying in the backseat at shiu's place while i tried to get it together.

happy days. i want more.

up close and personal

hehe i got the inside giggles, at my private lesson, when the teaching assistant assisted me with the slice shot from behind... hehe

sweating isn't so sexy

especially when it's rolling off your face, into your eyes, off your nose, and glasses are sliding down.

i have a private lesson with the too young for me cute assistant on saturday. i hope as i play my sweat doesn't fly into his face. not so sexy, eh.

glad i ain't in surrey

just got home from an alumni event that went late by 3 hrs! people went off on random tangents, but there were some gold nuggets when we geeked out on usability, the joy of use, and user experience topics.

took me almost 2 hrs to get home. i am so glad i don't commute to school anymore. i'm exhausted.

i also feel slightly nauseated from the rolly polly of the bus and the sweet smelling alcohol radiating from the guy who was sitting next to me.

quote of the night "ha both ex's presenting together ... lecturing on the ramifications of dating helen lam" by j, via text.
yea, to say the least, it was a giggly moment when both my exes were there at the same time. i'm totally over the situation and there's no drama what-so-ever, but it still is quite comical.

it was weird or nice, depending how i think about it, to see people i haven't seen in 2 years.

i guess i'll see them in another 2 years. arriverderci.

young green pinetree

apparently my serbian nickname translates to young green pine tree.

playing tennis, i am only known as jelena. my instructor and his assistant call me jelena to other students. i doubt i'll ever be known as helen. i like the mystique of being jelena from serbia!

oh ya back to my serbian nickname. jake started calling me something in serbian that sounded like a nursery rhythm, but apparently he was saying 3 words that rhymed with jelena... something like jelena zelena something something ah...

pine trees are cool. they're sprucey and strong just like me.

EDIT: okay after last night's lesson, i heard the nickname as, "jelena, jelena kakozai (SOMETHING... like that) zelena" ... hehe

intruder in the net shed

last night, at tennis, a squirrel found it's way into the ned shed, and was running around on the high, steel, rafter beams, scurring around making all sorts of noise.

various respones from players:

"i thought it was a rat!"

"i thought it was a raccoon!" (me)

"it's so cuteee! awww" (from crazy lady)

"don't kill it!!" (from crazy lady) when jake, my teacher, started hitting hard balls near the squirrel... wasn't quite sure if he was trying to hit it or scare it... with his aim, i'm betting it was scare...

"i don't care! he's in my territory now!!" (jake with his crazy, harsh serbian accent) haha using his racquet like a weapon. i couldn't stop laughing my ass off, so funny.

oh u people, squirrel is FINE! it left! blah blah animal cruelty.. blah

jelena's new weapon

babolat drive z 118.



i played in the advanced group lesson tonight. i played well. it was fun.

calma

i've since calmed down from my last bout of rage, but am still incredulous by the share audacity and stupidity of the newbie employee. for pete's f'ing sake, you work at a bank, learn to be meticulous and tell someone when you F up!

sigh... save me from the eternal morons.

*!@#*&(

save me from the stupid, mothaf'ing newbie employees who somehow f*** up my bank account.

do you not pay attention to the screen, to how about the fact that the name is completely different, what the f*** do you think you were doing?! this shouldn't have happened in the first place, you are such a f'ing little piece of shit i hope you get flayed alive!

mothaf'ing c***!

gutted

yea... as you can tell, i watched before sunrise today, and it practically gutted me in two.

i think i'll go back to romance novels. at least i know the ending is predicable and allows me to continue living in my fairy, romantic world.

be awkward

don't you just love it, in that one instant, in that moment of attraction, he looks at you, you look at him, but you both look quickly away, inexplicably aware of the connection that is happening between you, but scared to vocalize it?

i love how this scene is so real about that first moment of closeness

best part of before sunrise

the movie in a nutshell

could this ever happen to me or am i too much of a romantic fool to ever think this could ever be real?

i hope real romance is still alive and that i should be so lucky to catch glimmers of it in my life

before sunrise

to know love and to loose it in 24 hrs
the desperation between two soul mates
the gut wrenching good bye
the potential hello again
the possible will i ever see you again
the last kiss, the last kiss
how can you part
one last desperate, gut wrenching kiss
say good bye, au revoir

before sunrise

flappy skin

nothing like a reopened blister on the lower, outside edge of my forefinger to really indicate how hard and how much tennis i am playing.

no really, it's a piece of flappy skin about the size of a dime, not quite a perfect circle, that when i push the flappy skin back to the new skin and try to make it 'seal' and then sort of flex my hand so the skin wrinkles, i can feel it reopen... it's the oddest feeling... flap... seal... flap... seal...

it's oddly disgusting, yet feels kind of neat... it's like the only part of my hand that feels completely cold b/c it's brand new skin... so new, it's pink, pink as makeup blush!

okay, i'm done with the disgusting post now.

reunions

reunions are always difficult, especially when you really have nothing fabulous, that's currently happening that you may want to speak about. plus seeing old faces where you may have burned some bridges can always be a.k.w.a.r.d.....

that's my dilemma re: next Thursday's alumni event.

to go or not to go?

pros:
great to see old friends
catch up with people
network and steal other people's jobs... i mean ... no, i mean that...

cons:
nothing fabulous to report
i'm not a very socialable person unless i have a beer in my hand
i absolutely hate chit chat with acquaintances. frankly that is what facebook is for, to cut out the 'how are yous'
how the hell am i going to get home from surrey with no car? um no, standing in the evening at the 22nd skytrain station waiting for the rmd bus really does not appeal to me.

sigh, what to do. my curious nature into what everybody is up to (plus i guess i do want to see people f2f rather than thru a thumbnail pic on fb) is warring with my don't want to take transit home from surrey dilemma.

sigh, reunions.

OMFG!@

did you all see survivor tonight?! can't believe the craziness that went down. wish ozzy was still in the show, wanted to see more shomance b/w him and amanda. i hope that douche, jason, goes down hard! i hope ozzy flays someone at the final tribal council vote!

pop tarts

remember pop tarts?!
3, including me, and my co-workers spent about 20 mins dicking around on the site.
heart pop tarts

are all british men sluts?

i've watched tonight's episode of the bachelor: london calling, and my god, does that man ever kiss a lot, and not just kiss one girl, but kisses all the girls a lot. you would think he would save some for another episode. if a girl kisses that many guys in an one hr episode, she's automatically called a slut, but if a guy does it, he's applauded for his prowess... what a cad... though what a sexy british cad. i'd tap that.

the hills

episode 24. wow when would i have ever thought i would say i actually feel sorry for SPENCER?! um... NEVER... but yea heidi is a ridiculous barbie doll. even if this was all staged, she still comes off looking crazy and irrational!

i'm ridiculous, but not heidi-ridiculous! i'm ridiculous in a fun way!

there's a little whore in all of us

heidi montag makes clothes (grabbed from the superficial) and apparently she's embracing every part of it.

sorry, i shouldn't say whore, but what a street-walker!

geez, she sure has class written all over her.

why don't you just walk down a street in your bikini and call yourself a designer? why bother with the pretense of clothes?

oh wait, you did use your bikini for that god-awful 'music video' nevermind, i guess you really can't double up on 'outfits'

english men

so 2 guys from our UK office came for a visit today, i believe they're staying for the rest of the week. i'm sorry, but my jaw completely dropped when i saw and listened to the wonderful lilt of their accents.

Shirls, hot boys are trouble, but hot boys, with that dark euro look, and british accents are WONDERFUL, gloriously wonderful...

luckily they weren't around, when i went completely insane with infactuation and giddy with lust.

sigh... that was a nice 15 min break of being absolutely ridiuclous.

you should be so lucky to eat

"i'm like taking over 20 pills every day ... i've been dieting and working out for a whole year ... "

now... what would YOU think if you happened to be sitting in the lunchroom, reading a gossip mag, eating your lunch, and minding your own goddamn business and then all of a sudden you heard that? well my ears certainly perked up!

i definitely was NOT trying to listen to the conversation, if anything, i hate it when people start talking in the lunchroom and then sometimes go into the little whisper b/c someone else, namely me, is in the room... like come on don't talk/gossip in a semi-public space if you don't want anybody else to know (pet peeve)!!

anyway, i digress, so once i heard that outrageous statement, i couldn't NOT listen in now and was trying to figure out what the hell they were all talking about. i THINK a girl is in a body building or something of that nature contest, b/c they kept talking about working out, diet, little itty bitty costumes... but come ON do you REALLY think it's even some what natural to be taking 20 pills a day when you don't have a fatal illness?!

and it's not just her, why does it seem like, lately, so many people are into these fad diet drugs where you take all these pills that are suppose to be 'organic' and good for you etc in replace of real food?!

do you KNOW food prices are RISING due to a failing economy that is hitting world wide?! you should be so LUCKY to eat bread! oh excuse me, i mean "complex carbohydrates!"

urgh, can't stand those people. just be happy with your fat hips, get some real excercise, and learn how to dress your body, not what you wish your body looked like!

hennesey's

so saturday night, went out to hennesey's on broadway for some drinks.

imagine 4 girls sitting at a high top table in the corner and 3/4 are all texting throughout the night. me not being one of those as i am too embarrassed to bring out my 2005 samsung, plus i'm not cool enough to text anybody who would text back right away.

so i sat there, sipping my martini, all the while trying not to slip off this high chair, as its leather seats and my cotton tunic are having a sliding party, and my brand new fuck me heels are barely holding onto the chair's leg support. it was quite the body clenching work out trying not to fall off.

as i don't go out often for girly drinks and to be seen by random boys of the city, it was quite the novelty, when the owner came by to treat us with some shots. really, it's b/c he knows one of the girl's, but i like to think from an outsider's observation, it's b/c we looked damn fine and who wouldn't want to buy us drinks?!

seeing as how i was already buzzed or getting there from my 2 martinis i looked upon the shots with trepidation, coyly trying to hide how slightly sloshed i was getting and the fact that i can't drink a shot in one gulp to save my life, i nibbled on some chicken and drank gallons of water to balance myself out.

already use to having the owner come by to give us shots, i was acting so blase when a 3rd round hit our table, when lo and behold, it was not from the owner, but from 2 boys of the city. i suspected 1 wingman and 1 who wanted to get it on with someone from our table. feeling not quite the confident gal of the town, i automatically assumed it was one of the other hot, smart girls at our table that he was after. and i was correct! we had already established that boys born in '75 are nothing but trouble, so i giggled when i heard he was 33.

i was so pleasantly surprised for the lady when he didn't look like a total douche and actually tried to have a conversation with her, wanting to get to know her.

the wingman disappeared, and while those two were making chit chat, well more like she was offering an olive branch and he was grasping at it. as i caught her eye, i would sporadically laugh, b/c i thought it was so ironic, as we had just finished a conversation about boys, what trouble they are and such.

10 mins later we left, the boy got his number, but the lady told us he was so not her type.

one day i hope to achieve the state of being where i can toss out my number and not hope he calls! hah, yes i know, boys are trouble, trouble like cops as my friend shirls likes to say.

next time i go out for drinks, i hope my blog will sound less like a newbie observer and more like one who's had a sexy time.

until then, ciao!

sunday

mum - "you're dad just wants to spend more time with us... see, you're dad is thinking and feeling he's going to die any time now, so he just wants to be with us all the time"
(direct quote from cantonese)
me - no comment, driving... (how do i even RESPOND to that?!)

she wasn't saying it in a boo-hoo way, more of a matter of fact, and why we can't leave him at home while she and i go off to metrotown by ourselves.

nonetheless, i took my parents to steveston and we walked around under the gorgeous sunshine. man was it ever busy there today.

pee or buzz?

what's worse? driving home buzz or driving home having to pee so badly b/c the seal has been broken? disgusting blog topic, but yet this was my dilemma while driving home tonight, my GOD did i ever have to pee!! my foot was pedal to the metal coming home tonight, thank goodness for green lights!

a sexy moment at starbucks

ordering my 'usual' (tall, x-hot, london fog... yes that's right, i have a 'usual' as i am there every morning ordering it), i noticed they had a plate of goodies for sample, so after putting away my change, getting my lemon loaf from the cashier, i reached for a piece, an apple fritter, and instead of STAYING in my mouth, that sticky bastard popped right back out!

ALL I DID was reached down, picked it up, put it in my mouth and instead of closing my mouth and chewing, it quickly dropped back out ... yes i am 23 and apparently i don't know how to eat... and yes it WAS in front of 3 other starbucks employees!

this is for you

the others say hello as well.

ring ring

so i'm in the hunt for a new cell phone.

this is what i use now:



it's OKAY... it's functional ... it's just... i'm yearning for something sexier and less 2005.

as of right now my 4 choices are:

Sony Ericsson k810i. i think a few of my friends have it ... and it looks super sexy, which of course is the most important part of a phone ... reception is 2nd (i kid... sort of...)


sony ericsson k530i. no particular reason really, it just was a cheaper option than the 1st.





LG ku250. this one is even cheaper than the 1st two, and it looks really nice, have yet to read up the reviews on it so far. what i've heard from word of mouth is that b/c it is made from lg, and cell phones is not their primary market, that there are some tech problems with this... but who knows...




samsung e590. this one is 2nd cheapest. it's designed by the jasper morrison studio. need i say more?! i hope you all know i am the biggest industrial design/architect brand whore. just knowing someone with real interface design experience designed this makes my heart leap with joy and excitement. however, this doesn't have the overt sexual appeal that the 1st phone, sony ericsson k810i, has...

(picture doesn't show up properly after it's been published. go here: http://www.jaspermorrison.com/html/7922263.html for full glory)


what shall a girl ever to do?!

anybody have an opinion?

i've yet to read the reviews on all of them, but so far i like the sony ericsson k810i (the most expensive), and the samsung e590 (jasper morrison design).

great review site for phones: http://www.gsmarena.com/

was recommended to go here to buy the hardware: https://www.orangewavewireless.com/

deep space fire fox

huh...

6 degrees of separation

i am officially creeped out by the 6 degrees of separation that facebook so wonderfully offers.

it was my usual thursday night of facebook stalking, noticed a friend added someone i knew from high school, u know, one of those people who were in your 'crew' but only b/c they were dating someone and so forth, anyway, he didn't have his profile on private and looking at his pics i found TWO people i NEVER thought he would have known and no i don't have these people added as friends... for obvious sakes, i don't want to go into too much detail by description or name, but let's just say WOW am i EVER impressed OR creeped out by how everybody in the lower mainland may know each other... just astounded...

ur probably all like, umm. come ON helen, that's what facebook is all about! but... no seriously, NEVER in a million years would've guessed... a very 'huh.. who would've thunk it' moment...

nonetheless, it made me turn me re-review my privacy settings.

now the real question is, do i facebook creep back and add the these people i have found via the highschool person? mhhh remembering my vow to turn the crazy down and not to open any more cans of worms, i've decided set my mouse aside...

windows

is it just me or does nobody else on the bus find it freakin' cold when the bus windows are open?! i'm sitting there, trying to nap, but the cold, brisk, albeit refreshing, wind is blowing around me, swirling my hair around, keeping me awake.

"why don't u ask them to close it?"

b/c the window that's open that's blowing enough air to circulate the entire bus is at the VERY FRONT OF THE BUS (i'm sitting in the back)!!! it's one of those awkward moments where you're sitting there thinking really, REALLY NOBODY else is bothered by this air?!

carbon dioxide induced naps are the way to go.

my essence

some of you have wondered about my bears.

well here they are! this is them posed for the picture.

this is them if they weren't posed and i had woke up from sleep, not so neat on the bed.

in this picture are (in clockwise from top left):
big white, blush, mush mush, stinky, and on to of mush mush is pinky.






























pinky (1st bear, about 20 yrs old, he looks mean... he reminds me of the brain from pinky and the brain and i have a theory he's always mad looking b/c he's a boy but he's pink) & blush (that is the name of his color, he is the 25th gund snuffle anniversary bear, he's like a marshmellow and would be the pinky from pinky and the brain)




























.......


that's right... i can take it ... BRING ON THE JUDGMENT!! but really, i know that is b/c ur jealous !

i HEART my bears so much, they are my essence. i will never give them up!! in fact, i'm going to go take a nap and hug my bears, now.

PS: and yes that IS my 2 pink baby blankets on my bed, 23 yrs old, no i'm not ever giving that up either ... you got a problem with that?! :o)

LOOOSer

i've just spent the last 45 mins blogging and watching tennis youtube videos... i haven't even showered from playing tennis for 2.5 hrs... i am a smelly loser.

signing off, 'jelena'

simply the best

45 shot rally.
video's bad quality, but you get the idea. this is why i can watch 10 hrs of tennis straight! *geeeek*

what are the chances

of this happening?! omg player kills pigenon with BALL!!

yes yes i know lots of tennis youtube tonight, but there's so much to unearth! and i'm desparately needing a fix before the next tourny will play on tv.

the french are nuts

but completely awesome at the same time.

karaoke time! allons-y!
(long version)

top 10 2 min version here

this was during last year's grand slam in france, the roland garros, must've been for some tv program, but my GOD so awesome haha, whatever one has to do to have djokovic take off his shirt i'm all for.

another reason to heart you

i will survive
must've been for some french tele-program during last yr's roland garros.

racquet abuse

i kind of felt like wanting to do this tonight at class when i missed some easy forehands.

hahah she lost 3 break chances in a row. jelena jankovic is a fighter!! yea yea
this is from the recent sony ericsson open ladies final last week.

serena's outfit reminds me of a bulldog trying to look like a poodle. cute outfit, just not quite for her??! that is one thick gal...

juxtaposition

german boy, with major acne, who drops into class whenever he feels like, who does not pick up balls and just talks to teacher, ur a freakin' tool and i wish u'd shut your mouth.

serbian boy with smooth skin, great height, wicked serve, cute smile, but way too young for me, but still is a nice cougar-like crush, you can help me with my serve all you want.

tee hee <3

no paperclip!

learn how to clip paper together without using any other attachments than the paper itself!
pretty neat-o i'd say!

my head explodes

with the idea of having to always pay income tax at year end when doing taxes. so... i want to make more money annual, but that'll push me to a bigger bracket, which means i'll always be paying a higher percentage in taxes, but if it doesn't get taxed all completely at the source, then by the time taxes come i have to pay in the thousands?! and that's if i don't claim my RSPs.

a whole different story if i do claim my RSP, which will drop me to a much lower bracket, which means a possible small return, but the year after, as i make more money, i will be taxed more which means i'll have to save more for my RSPs....

or i could suck it up and not claim my RSPs for this year, pay what i would owe, and then have a crazy huge RSP claim for the coming year, which would be good b/c i would make more money anyway, bringing me to a higher tax bracket...

and so really... by working my 2nd job it's like trying to earn the money not just for my pocket money but also to save for the money i owe when income tax time comes...

has YOUR head exploded yet?!

b/c MINE did when my dad had to sit me down and explain my situation... i literally.. exploded... my eyes burst into tears, and i seriously felt suicidal. why can't i just have a day with NO feelings of being let down or being disappointment, i mean come ON with my 1am phone interview where i was so obviously under qualified by like 5 years and then like 16 hrs later seeing the impending doom of my finances being drained to the gvt, i just ... i mean... man i just want a break !!!

*head explodes*

rest assured, i've since calm down, but i just want a break from constantly calculating finances!

not enough experience

you're awesome, but you don't have enough experience in this role, but you're so awesome i'll fwd your cv to someone who might need you... in 6 monthes...

well what about now goddamn it?!

i'm glad i didn't bank my hopes all on geneva.

teenage angst

"i can't keep being your second choice...not when you were my first..."
thanks to shirls for this great thematic angst that was dominant throughout almost all the story lines in everwood, and i yes, i did watch every single episode. i'm cool.

they're 16!!! how much teenage angst can you get?! geez-louise i'm lucky if i get that much drama in my life now! oh how i yearn to have my life as a tv drama show on the cw network. i think they would call it 'crazy girl'

hottest party

okay, i don't usually or ever give out shout outs to video games, b/c quite frankly, before my stint at the video game company, i thought video games were for total losers, still sort of believe that, and can't believe how much money geeks will shell out for hardware named with 4 letters or less, i.e. xbox, ps3, wii, HOWEVER... *exhale* i must say... that ddr hottest party for the wii is pretty darn awesome! and that's not b/c i'm asian and live in richmond, which means by default i have to like anything that is japanized (yes, i know that is not a real word, but screw you all hah), but it's really fun!

word of advice: don't play it while drinking or having the intentions to drink afterwards b/c you'll realize any type of stamina you thought you had is shot to hell.

something to think about

when's the last time you sharpened a pencil?

30 seconds ago! and as i was doing it, i was like huh... this feels strangely foreign to do...

think about it, when have you last used a pencil?!

as a reminder, they look like this:

can't think of a title

it's friday night, i'm sitting in my robe, and i think i've just banged off 5+ blog entries within the last 20 minutes. this would only be a lot cooler if i had a macbook, was sitting at the 24 hr blenz, posing as a student who poses as someone who studies, but really is not studying, and sipping a hot apple cider... i can reach for the stars right?!

saturn

is one awesome biatch!

and i don't mean the car, but the PLANET!!

okay okay.... the other night i watched an hour from the nova channel that was really the pbs channel about how NASA sent this probe out that has been travelling for 7 years to get to saturn to get a closer look at saturn's rings.... yes saturn has rings ... doesn't anybody remember elementary science?!
side note - what the heck are children learning nowadays anyway? it had better be about the awesomeness of planets and stars and not about britney's bits! *shudders at thinking the potential disaster that the next generation could lead us to*

ANYWAY, i digress, they sent this probe out and once it was closer to saturn it shot out this other probe to land on one of saturn's moons, titan! and apparently titan is one gasy SOB.
well i won't bore you with the details, but just wanted to share with you that space is wicked, there are no wars up there, and it's always "reinventing" itself. one can really learn from space and how rad it is.

note - if you'd like to be cool just like me and learn more about saturn's rings, please visit here

comments

OMG i just realized how to view if i ever get comments on my blog and thank you shirls for commenting, i don't feel like such a cyberspace loner now! and that wasn't even said with sarcasm, but with genuine enthuasism / hint - please keep commenting so i feel validated in life HAH

you are awesome

Dear Shirls,

I JUST read your comment (from dear hot guy).

You are such a sweetheart and always crack me up with your wit, smartness (smarts? i need grammer class) and general awesomeness!

u know what i just thought of? what if 'hot guy' turns out to BE a cop?! is that like a double negative, cop trouble cancels out hot guy trouble equals normal guy but still with the side bonus of eye candy? now THAT's something to think about!

anne of green gables

some of you may be wondering why and who the heck is anne of green gables and why am i referencing her when regaling tales of my life?

anne of green gables is one of canada's greatest literary characters to have ever existed.

check it out

with all the crazy things that happen to her throughout all the books i feel a special kindred with her and can identify with some of the incredulousness of life.

fyi - the movie was awesome too!

drop 'em balls

in response to my blog about the 'aww' story, ryan came up with the line of the night on how i should retort back to the guy if i wanted to be a total meanie...

"come talk to me when your balls have dropped"

HAHAHAH i almost snorted water out of my nose ... that would've been another nice anne of green gables moment...

ps - btw (wait... does the btw negate the ps?!?) this post was not mean to be malicious, just how i feel/felt in the moment ... as you can clearly see i am trying to cover my ass and not burn bridges...

good times

i had dinner the other night with my friend ryan and so many blog moments came up that i wish i had a notepad to write it all down. for now, i must be content with only remembering a few...

good times indeed...

secret life

code name: jelena

weapon of choice: the babolat n.s. drive os

secret love: the beautiful ping of the ball after i've hit a winner

an anne of green gables moment

i can't even seem to handle walking one block to the pizza place at the corner and back without dropping the 2 slices, face down on the street, while crossing the intersection... more fun was when it happened, i had to bend down to pick 'em up in front of all these cars waiting to turn right... aren't a i lovely, graceful, girl?

"awww"

boys, take note - "awww" should not be something a guy should say or write. it's the most unattractive phrase and such a turn off... i shudder at seeing it.